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Government to launch online service for granting clean chits

01, Aug 2013 By Abhishek

New Delhi. After the huge success of online tax filing, the Government of India has decided to launch a portal to apply for and get “clean chits”.

The portal will support end-to-end process right from forming a committee, destroying evidence, obfuscating facts, to sending clean chits in PDF format to user’s registered email address.

The beta version of the portal is expected to be out soon, and honorary membership of the portal will be given out on a priority basis to some of the important citizens to India.

Printing
No one can raise a finger against you after you put down your finger to print the clean chit

Kapil Sibal, the honorable Minister of Communications and Information Technology made the announcement: “This is a huge reform that does away with unnecessary red-tapism while providing clean chits. Also, we have been seeing a huge increase in demand for clean chits in the past few years, so this will expedite the process”

“This is also a big step towards e-governance,” Sibal added.

When questioned how the committee to grant clean chits will be formed, Sibal gave a ‘who cares’ look and replied, “Why do you need a committee for something as simple as clean chit? It is the same red-tape we have been trying to reduce. However, in version 2.0 we will provide the feature of forming committee on social media.”

Faking News couldn’t believe that Sibal was willing to incorporate social media into his plans, but it was a believe-it-or-not moment for us.

“When you send a clean chit to your friend, you get one too. In this way the more the number of clean chits you have the cleaner your image,” the union minister explained the proper use of social media.

When an annoyed reporter asked as to how he could compare the probes to an online game, Sibal looked agitated and replied, “This is the problem with you guys, whenever we want to move forward, you will complain. When I talked about pre-screening Facebook and Twitter, you complained there too. Now when I am promoting Facebook, you are still complaining!”

The announcement was held in praise by many clean personalities including Suresh Kalmadi, Robert Vadra, Sharad Pawar, and N. Srinivasan.

“This is a very positive move by the Government. BCCI will fully support this and provide funds for this project,” announced Srinavasan, the BCCI chief.

However, the government drew a lot of flak from many citizens. “Idiots, they can’t fix the IRCTC website first and they talk of portals for E-chits!” said Chetan, a benched TCS employee.

Sources report that Narayan Murthy was initially approached for leading this project, but he refused after laughing for ten minutes. So the government plans to rope in smaller start-ups in India for carrying out this project.

The beta version is planned to be out by next month and full launch will then be announced based on the status of the project at that time.