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FBI finds out Bal Thackeray’s mansion, Obama says “relax”

25, May 2011 By Pagal Patrakar

Chicago, USA. Terror accused David Headley plotted to assassinate Shiv Sena leader Bal Thackeray and termed Shiv Sena as a terrorist organization, according to the latest revelations coming out from the Rana/Headley trial going on in Chicago court here.

Sources indicate that the FBI has already launched investigations into these claims and has been able to locate the “walled mansion” of Bal Thackeray in Mumbai. US President Barack Obama has been presented an interim report.

“We need to work out if this Thackeray is a terrorist yet,” said FBI Director Robert Mueller, “We’ve been observing a walled mansion in Mumbai for two weeks; we think he lives there as our attempts at intelligence gathering have met violent resistance.”

FBI Director further disclosed that undercover agent “Benjamin Harry” was especially chased away by security guards after he tried to enter the “mansion” dressed as a panipuri vendor.

“Agent Harry was further beaten up by another group called MNS after he escaped the mansion area, we are trying to ask that Headley guy if he has any information on this group,” Robert Mueller said, “It’s all very complicated in India unlike in Pakistan.”

Bal Thackeray
FBI believes that while the beard of Bal Thackeray has “suspicious” features, an absence of headgear makes him look like a “normal” person.

Faking News approached Sanjay, 34, from Strongarm Security, who was standing outside the suspected stronghold “Matoshree”. He conceded that he had chased away “B Harry” a couple of weeks back.

“He didn’t look anything like a panipuri wala,” Sanjay said, “He was fair, tall, and spoke English for a few seconds!”

“It’s really strange”, Sanjay further added, “Every few days a foreigner comes up dressed in weird uniform and asks something about Mr. Thackeray in some strange language.” He explained that his contract with Thackeray requires him to chase anyone who breaks the Marathi-only rule within the earshot of the property.

“All our Mumbai operatives are fully trained in the languages of terror,” informed FBI Director, “Arabic and Pashto. This Thackeray guy speaks some Indian form of Arabic, right?”

A US drone is understood to be hovering over the mansion, but President Obama will not sanction another raid on foreign soil, according to internet intelligence on elvisshotkennedy.com.

“The CIA won’t hit Thackeray”, “area51guy” told us, “They read Wikipedia, so they know Thackeray hates Muslims too; you know what I mean? Soon we’ll see the Marathi manoos with M-16s and F-16 jets. Let’s see if Dawood Ibrahim can counter that.”

FBI Director refused to comment over area51guy’s comments, but he conceded that President Obama had asked them to “relax” after they submitted their interim report on Thackeray’s mansion and asked for permissions to proceed further.

Back in India, as soon as the news about FBI monitoring “Matoshree” spread, Shiv Sena supporters took to the streets of Mumbai on the hunt for the FBI office to ransack.

“It’s hidden,” cried Keshav, “First, we’ll find it using an RTI, then we’ll teach them a lesson.”

(with inputs from Simon)