Friday, 22nd September, 2017

Snippets

Engineering colleges hire Alok Nath to attract parents, promise sanskaari campus

13, Jul 2014 By gareebengineer

Mumbai. After failing to provide 100% placements, engineering colleges have taken the sanskaari path to generate admissions for the upcoming academic session. Instead of targeting students, colleges are now targeting parents, especially the ones who are tired of the weird ways of their modern kids, by using the Alok Nath trump card.

“Markets today have been flooded with university brochures containing quotes by Alok Nath. Parents are being promised that their wards will get an engineering degrees without losing their virginities,” an expert on education sector told Faking News.

“As if engineers were losing their virginities like Congress losing elections earlier,” the expert quickly added.

Alok Nath
Every move you make, every step you take, every breath you take… I’ll be watching you.

This Faking News reporter decided to investigate the matter and he found it was true. College deans and heads had a secret meeting earlier this month while the students were engrossed in the FIFA World Cup.

According to sources, colleges are planning to put an end to all usual student activities by putting up posters of Alok Nath all over the campus. These posters will remind students of sanskaar and prevent kissing and making out before shaadi.

The posters are being printed in various sizes so that they can fit in all nooks and corners, including library cubicles. Officials from the electronics department have already been asked to arrange for LEDs and other illuminating substances to make posters shine at nights. Sensors are also being designed that generate quotes in Alok Nath’s voice on detecting rise in body temperature and deep heaving sounds in vicinity.

Apart from this, colleges are now going to ask students to do thesis and research papers on Alok Nath’s performances. This is being done to motivate students to act correctly, and in a sanskaari manner. Bulk printing orders for compilations of Alok Nath’s sayings and lines from all Rajshri movies have already been placed for libraries. Some private universities are planning to install statues of Alok Nath at all the crowded points in the campus.

And all these are being highlighted in brochures to attract parents. In fact, sources claim that apart from parents, this step will also excite some prospective employers of engineers.

“This guarantees 100% sanskaari slaves for likes of Infosys and TCS,” a source claimed. When asked why they were so sure of “babuji effect” i.e. ashirvaad of Alok Nath, the source pointed out that Poonam Pandey’s tweets had become more sanskaari after Alok Nath joined Twitter.

Latest reports say that Alok Nath has already begun with his national tour of all engineering colleges. He was last seen in IIT-Delhi, where he gifted signed copies of the Ramayana in his interaction session.

Recruiters are planning a sanskaari attitude test along with aptitude test for placement drives, while Amity university has already shot its new commercial, where Dhoni would be seen singing “Abki Baar, Placement se pehle Sanskaar”.