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Language and clothing were developed by prehistoric gays

08, Oct 2009 By Pagal Patrakar

Cambridge, England. The discovery of the oldest human skeleton, nicknamed “Ardi”, has started throwing various insights into the way humans evolved over ages. After concluding that humans started walking on two feet for food and sex, scientists are now convinced that it was sex only that inspired early humans to develop a language and wear clothes. The surprising findings have been published in the latest edition of the prestigious Science journal.

“Humans didn’t have the luxuries of language or clothes back then, but they enjoyed pleasures of food and sex. Food was not big a problem due to limited population, but the same did prove a problem for sex. Men, who were physically strong and could maul and defeat others in bloody fights, were the ones who possessed all the women, while others were forced to turn gay,” read the article in the journal, suggesting that homosexuality was as old as humanity, another striking discovery by the scientists.

Skeletons in the cupboard
Skeletons in the cupboard

Scientists believe that not all of the ancient men, who were forced to turn gays, especially enjoyed being gay. Some of them started thinking of ways to change the state of affairs, and that’s how the idea of language and clothes was born.

“The unwilling gays felt that if they could find different ways of attracting women, other than having a physically strong body, they could also enjoy the pleasures of sex. After centuries of trials and errors, these set of men discovered that women were attracted to strange sounds and floral patterns. These men too tried making innovative sounds and putting some patterns on their body, which slowly evolved respectively into languages and clothing,” the article further elaborated.

Slowly these unwilling gays could start attracting women, with a few of them running away with wives/mistresses of physically stronger cavemen. As ages passed, the newer generations felt it much more convenient to win women through clothes and words than through bloody fights. Human society had finally accepted language and clothes.

“Funnily, the society is yet to finally accept the gays,” the article in the journal pointed out. Ardi lived in the present day Ethiopia around 4.4 million years ago and is currently in shape of fossil.

The findings have received mixed reactions with gays welcoming the findings as a proof of their legitimacy, while poets and writers have trashed the report calling it ‘laughable’. Some fashion designers, who are also gay, have refused to comment over the article, saying only scientists should discuss such ‘complex’ issues.

“This is ridiculous. I’m feeling so insignificant. I used to think human beings were superior to other animals but it seems all it mattered to us was food and sex. Even this language is a result of that. I can feel my dog mocking at me.” Ankit, a thirteen-year-old boy reacted after he came to know about the findings.