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Delhi govt to employ cows in place of traffic police to manage traffic

09, Oct 2013 By Anil Sharma

New Delhi: After tremendous pressure from Delhiites who were fed up with the total madness and mayhem displayed by drivers on roads and complete failure by Traffic Police to manage them, Delhi govt has decided to take a strong action by replacing them (the police) with cows.

Initially, government was reluctant to accept it as a problem and said that the problem was worse in the state of Gujarat led by Narendra Modi, hence it was not a problem at all.

Cows trying to manage the situation.
Sources say some drivers were seen bribing cows too

But later, when challenged with statistics that showed drivers not taking zebra-crossing seriously and running over pedestrians, they agreed to accept it as a problem.

But sources say that the real reason for govt accepting the problem and acting on it is something else. According to them, when Sonia Gandhi was returning from an expensive surgery done at an undisclosed location for an undisclosed illness by an undisclosed team of doctors, and while she was thinking about the poor people of the nation, she almost had an heart-attack when a man allegedly passed by on his speeding motorbike and hit a pothole hard enough to splash all the mud on Madam’s car. The man later was let off by Traffic cops after accepting 100 bucks as bribe, which shocked the Congress chief.

After this particular incident, Delhi’s CM Sheila Dikshit and her team brainstormed the problem along with the traffic authorities and came up with a brilliant solution.

“As we all know that the only things that can stop traffic in India are Cows, Beggars and Baratis. So, we’ve decided to replace traffic policemen with cows and buffaloes,” a source from Delhi govt said.

Sources claim that right now the cows are being trained to stand at major crossings, junctions, traffic lights, corners, etc, to regulate the traffic with their assistants.

“The main reason drivers here doesn’t slow down on Zebra-crossings is that the Zebra is not of any relevance to any religion in the country, we’re now making it a religious thing, just like everything else in the country is,” the source told Faking News.

“Indians worship cows and they’ll definitely slow down after seeing a cow roaming around freely on a busy road which will surely help us bring the road accident rate down,” he went on to add.

Meanwhile the Traffic Police Association (TPA) is all set to do a chakka-jam in city tomorrow to protest against Government’s decision as it is affecting their extra earnings.

“This is like burning public buses using petrol to protest against petrol price hikes,” a citizen reacted on TPA’s announcement.