New Delhi. After a leaked letter by Army Chief to the Prime Minister revealed that Indian armed forces were not properly equipped to handle foreign aggression, many citizens have been worrying if unfriendly neighbors like China and Pakistan could attack India to take advantage of the situation.
However, in a development that has brought relief to the concerned citizens, both China and Pakistan have promised not to attack India if the nation continued to be in the mess that it was currently in.
“We are not at all interested in invading India,” declared Chinese President Hu Jintao, eating momos at Khan Market in Delhi. Jintao, who also witnessed Chinese goods being sold in various shops of Delhi and local men teasing girls from the NE states as ‘chinkies’, said that China was happy and content with the scenario in India.
“Even Tibetan protestors are being arrested and jailed here,” Hu pointed out, “This is pretty satisfying and we have no plans to invade India as long as they allow us to issue stapled visa to people from Kashmir and Arunachal Pradesh.”
The Chinese delegates accompanying Hu too echoed similar sentiments and said that China was least interested in taking over whole of the India as it’d also mean adopting various scams that had taken place in India in the past few years.
“It’d be similar to Dow’s acquisition of Union Carbide; we want to stay clear of the liabilities,” a member of the delegate told Faking News.
Within hours of China making its intentions clear about not attacking India, Pakistan too declared that it was least interested in attacking India.
“No, we are not copying China; this is our original decision,” Pakistani Foreign Minister Hina Rabbani Khar clarified. Ms. Khar further clarified that while Pakistan still supported the struggle of Kashmiris, it also supported the struggle of rest of the Indians, who were clueless about what was happening in their country.
“This is similar to what Pakistani citizens have been feeling,” she said.
However, strategic experts argue that Pakistan, even though excited at the prospects of a weak Indian army, may not attack India as its own defense preparedness was questionable.
“If they send their Army to attack India, they might win Kashmir but would definitely lose whole of Pakistan to Taliban,” B Raman, a security analyst said.
Although no one asked them, Bangladesh too has clarified that it was not at all interested in attacking India.
“We are winning matches of late and our BPL will overtake IPL soon,” a Bangladeshi diplomat said, “Indians should rather be wary about Sri Lanka; they never help India when needed and recently they have been pissed off with India too.”