Mumbai: The monsoons are about to hit Mumbai (at least that’s what the weatherman is saying) and the BMC has still not been able to do anything about the pathetic condition of the roads.
When this reporter contacted the BMC office, an official spokesperson said, “We tried to take concrete steps to make the roads better. However, the concrete used was so bad that even pedestrians could not take proper steps while walking.” He said this and then spat out the paan he was happily chewing during the interview.
In the interest of the harrowed pedestrians and motorists, the BMC will now be conducting crash courses for everybody to understand the depth of the potholes just by looking at the amount of water filled in them.
“This is a huge step forward in our quest to ensure that the people of Mumbai are not troubled in any way while travelling during the monsoons,” said the excited BMC spokesperson spitting out more paan.
According to the BMC, the people will be trained to observe the movement of the water in a pothole and conclude with accuracy the depth of it. Thus, they can easily choose the shallowest of potholes to ride/drive upon. This will help not just in reducing injuries or number of deaths but also reduce the amount of damage done to the vehicles.
Another BMC official said, “Just before the general elections, we heard some guy called Rahul speak about the escape velocity theory of Jupiter. That theory had no relevance to the elections or anything in particular but we strongly feel that he can come up with other such theories that will help us help our people. Anyway, we doubt he has anything to do now.” He said this and immediately demanded Rs. 100. We asked him why and then suddenly reduced the amount to Rs. 20.
The BMC is also considering a crash course on long distance swimming. This is in the event of a flood like situation which they know will happen and cannot do anything about it inspite of all the crores of rupees they have.
“We just cannot do anything with a few thousand crores. We want more,” said the BMC spokesperson. According to the BMC, this is very productive for companies as the employees can swim to their workplace on days when there is a flood.
The BMC further added, “All our UPA ministers are finally coming out and giving interviews in the media. This means they have survived the “wave” from the recent electoral tsunami. Who better than them can we hire to train our citizens to survive a minor flood in the city?”