New Delhi. In a surprise move that took the nation by its ‘balls’, BCCI today announced that IPL -5, the professional Twenty20 cricket league, will start from tomorrow. Reliable sources have revealed to Faking News that the BCCI is doing this under political pressure, to try and end Baba Ramdev’s fast. Baba Ramdev has went on an abridged fast starting today morning, after talks with the government failed.
“The government believes that only cricket can stop this madness now,” says a BCCI official under the conditions of anonymity.
This sudden announcement has shaken the cricketing world. It is reported that the Indian team on West Indies tour has been recalled immediately and the Indian Under-19 team is being sent there to finish the Caribbean tour.
The senior cricketers, who were supposed to be taking rest, have been spotted rushing to gymnasiums and consuming dietary supplements to cool down the burnout.
“They didn’t even give us enough time to get our legs waxed,” blogs an anonymous IPL cheerleader. Several cheerleaders are now complaining of burnout and it is rumored that a squad of ‘Ganpati Visarjan dancers’ has been hired to dance in IPL-5.
Faking News got in touch with Siddhartha Mallaya about the news and he said that he ‘is happy to be a part of IPL-5’ as he’s had ‘nothing better’ to do after IPL-4. Faking News couldn’t get in touch with Lalit Modi as he was busy composing tweets for the IPL-5.
IPL franchise owners have decided to settle pricing of players and all that, after the IPL-5 is over, as there is hardly any time left for auctioning. Not only that, BCCI is also planning to introduce ‘free entry’ into parts of the stadium for the ‘aam aadmi’ to distract more and more people from joining Baba’s fast.
Congress has welcomed this arrangement, due to obvious reasons, with Digvijay Singh suggesting that all the matches be played in Delhi. He claimed support of Shahrukh Khan, who owns Kolkata Knight Riders, but SRK sources refused to comment till the next promo of Ra.One was released.
Baba Ramdev on the other hand is pretty confident about his abridged fast. He told a FN correspondent that the BCCI is no ‘match’ for him.
“I had a feeling that something like this could happen,” he says as his stomach contracts for an aasan, “which is precisely why I am going on a 14-hour fast, after which the public is free to enjoy a cricket match.”
“Dekhiye, Saanp bhi mar jayega aur Bat bhi nahi tootega,” he says while winking at the FN correspondent.
It remains to be seen whether the BCCI can pull off this ‘fast’ one on Ramdev Baba, but we at Faking News are more worried about the re-runs of the Coke BRRR commercials.
(reported by Tantanoo)