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Snippets

Batman and Spiderman refuse to replace Bhushans on the Lokpal Committee

20, Apr 2011 By Simon

New Delhi. Following allegations against lawyers Shanti Bhushan and his son Prashant Bhushan, a search has been launched to find “truly honest” individuals for the Lokpal Committee. In order to avoid any future controversies, the hunt for potential committee members quickly turned to individuals with “impartial incorruptible high level international crime fighting experience”, Faking News can reveal.

“Unusual CVs” would also be considered and “death defying acts” taken into account, said a spokesman.

The Bill team contacted Batman yesterday, but the caped crusader declined. “This is an Indian job for Indian super heroes,” said the caped crusader, speaking from the top of a tall building against a moody sky, “I will train local talent, but won’t take on a formal role myself. It’s all about local capacity building.”

Batman and Robin
Anyone talking against corruption must be super honest and a hero for the masses, many argue

A spokesman for Batman pointed out that his boss had some “serious CD/DVD issues” himself. “No one liked the Joel Schumacher film,” he added. However, Government staff confirmed that, as a non-wage earning voluntary worker and not being attached to an NGO or charity, Batman would probably not be granted a visa.

The lack of tall buildings was cited by Spiderman in his refusal letter, and whilst military staff were reportedly keen on The Incredible Hulk, the MCD vetoed the idea as a “threat to vital infrastructure”.

However, there is a local alternative. “Harishchandra Man”, otherwise known as Varun, 34, from Rohtak, stands just 5’4” in his yellow knee high boots. His yellow cape drags in the dust and his face is covered in cuts and bruises.

“I’m the man for the job,” he told Faking News, “because I never ever lie. I always tell people the truth. That’s my special power – I think you’ll find I’m one in 1.1 billion.” As if to prove his point he crossed the road to tell a passing lady that she “looked fat”, returning with black eye. “It’s the price I pay,” he explained, “and I think Faking News is rubbish too.”

After adding to his collection of facial wounds, our correspondent asked why he wanted to be on the Committee. “The Committee would benefit from having one honest person on it,” he said, “And in return I would get a custom car, a gadget belt and maybe a secret hide out… ummm… although keeping it a secret might be difficult for me as I would tell the truth when somebody asks about it.”

He is currently looking for someone to play his side-kick, Frank-Frank. Faking News called the Bill team on behalf of “Harishchandra Man” but “corrupting forces” had disconnected the MTNL phone.