Mumbai. Captive information magnet, Julian Assange is all set to leak the match-fixing arrangements for the upcoming ICC Cricket World Cup in a few days, sources suggest. A list of “fixed” outcomes and events, slated to happen during the tournament, will soon be uploaded on WikiLeaks. The news has caused panic in the global cricketing community as no one knows what names will appear on the trusted whistleblower website.
“This is very surprising; fixed no balls, ducks, dropped catches,” said bookmaker Dan Patterson of winwinsituation.com, who claims to have leaked the info to Assange, “and it would have gone completely unnoticed because all the players involved are crap anyway.”
While Patterson refused to disclose further details, our sources suggest that as with most leaks to emerge from WikiLeaks, the CIA has a significant presence even in the latest leak.
“Oh, the CIA are running the show here, dude,” said silent_death13, our local cyber expert and IT provider, “it’s obvious, it’s all over the net, blackunicorn1 on the forum cracked it; AfPak is in the world cup and the CIA is out to help them, expect drone strikes in the deep, man.”
Our correspondent asked for more details, and after handling over all our Dominos vouchers managed to obtain the name of the agent responsible: “Max Fitch”.
The latest leaks not only expose match-fixing details, but is also expected to reveal some “classified” correspondence between S. Sreesanth and A R Rehman concerning a “World Cup musical” starring the fast-bowler.
The plot revolves around a fictional Indian fast-bowler overlooked for the tournament by a cruel coach and cocky captain, who then becomes the team mascot thanks to his amazing dancing skills, only to end up being selected for the final after the poor performance of fictional bowler “Amit Nehru”.
In one leaked correspondences, Sreesanth worries about a repeat of the CWG theme song. Rehman promises to “try harder this time”.
The cricket leak comes as a surprise as the whistleblower website seemed all set to release details of Swiss bank accounts. But this latest sporting leak is being termed “tactical” by some.
“He needs time to untangle all the black money in those Swiss records,” said a local whistleblower, “but he knows Indians will forget all about the issue, so he’s leaking the cricket stuff to keep us hooked, he knows his audience.” Our whistleblower then reminded us about Suresh Kalmadi to prove his point.
Meanwhile the International Cricket Council is yet to issue a formal statement over this development, but speaking in private, ICC President Sharad Pawar said, “I hate this ‘fixing’ business. I like uncertainties; situations where people can’t predict anything. You know, like the prices of vegetables, not even I know if they’re going to come down.”