New Delhi. Confused and curious, Delhi lawyer, Nikhil Adani has spent the past two weeks using the RTI act to establish the existence, or not, of God. Inspired by recent attempts to find out Sonia Gandhi’s religion through the act, Adani admits that whilst the Gandhi family is very, very important indeed, his use of the RTI aims to go one step further.
“I wouldn’t even take Sonia’s word for it,” he said. “I am agnostic,” admits Adani, “as a lawyer, I need proof that would stand up in a court of law. Lots of people believe in God, so there must be some concrete evidence hidden away somewhere.”
His own mother, a devout Hindu, wouldn’t tell him, he explained, so he knew he had to use the 2005 Act to get hold of the evidence. “I asked to see the documents, contact details, photos and accounts,” he said, “but she just cries and says ‘this is all your father’s fault’.”
Adani then sought evidence at numerous temples, a mosque, a church, a synagogue and a gathering of “Jedi Knights” but without success. “The evidence was shaky – all old, all hearsay: ‘he said, she said’ sort of stuff,” he complained, “If I put it to a judge I’d have to give him an island in the Maldives and his own 20-20 team to make him believe it.”
Using this logic, he asked several religious figures for money in return for his ‘belief’. “It was so confusing,” he explained, “they said that if I believed then I had to give them money. How crazy is that?”
The young lawyer has since submitted RTI applications concerning the existence of God to 14 temples, 5 mosques, 3 churches, 2 gurudwaras and the Delhi Atheist Society (which issued a one word response).
However, following some research from an old copy of National Geographic, he decided to expand the RTI net. “What if Odin, Zeus or one of those old Gods every one’s forgotten about?” he asked, “or Ra, Osiris, Mars or…maybe the Mormons are right.”
Adani did send an RTI to the Government of India concerning this matter. “All I got in return was a postcard of Rahul Gandhi and a note saying they didn’t really know,” he exclaimed, “how can you run a country without knowing something as fundamental as that?”
The response from the 15 ashrams receiving the RTI was more positive, although the “evidence” cost a total of Rs.25,000, involved a lot of “early mornings, funny breathing, watery daal and ‘interesting’ smelling Europeans.
Some recipients of Mr Adani’s RTI claims have not been so pleased. “This is blasphemy,” said one Church official, “we sent him a letter saying that if he carried on like this he’d have no choice as God wouldn’t believe in him anymore.”
The general orthodoxy states that the existence of God can be neither proved nor disproved. However, Faking News has clear and indisputable proof, which could solve this philosophical knot once and for all. This correspondent suggested publishing, but was informed by the Editor-in-Chief, “Given our reputation, no one would believe us. Hell, people even check the date on the website twice.”