Oslo, Norway. Scandinavian committees presenting Nobel Prizes in various fields have jointly decided to “indefinitely postpone” the bestowment of 2010 awards to the earlier announced recipients, and have instead chosen to hand over all the awards to Rajinikanth for developing an andro-humanoid robot called Chitti.
Chitti, the Robot, has been reckoned by the committees as an “outstanding contribution” to the fields of Physics, Chemistry, Physiology, and Peace, while the script of the Tamil movie Enthiran, which is based on the life and achievements of Chitti, has been regarded as an “outstanding work in an ideal direction” in the field of Literature, thus completing a clean sweep of Nobel Prizes for Rajinikanth.
“Pentium Ultra Core Millennia V2 processor with a speed of One Terra Hz and a memory of One Zeta Byte,” pointed out a member of the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences about the physical properties of Chitti that also included being water resistant and fire resistant.
“What more do you need in the field of Physics at this point of time?” asked the member.
Chitti’s ability to successfully perform a complex child delivery operation as a doctor, which bettered what Phunsukh Wangdu i.e. Aamir Khan could do in 3 Idiots, clinched the deal for Rajini in the field of Physiology or Medicine.
“It’s not just about movies. Robot is bigger than the Oscars,” said another member of Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences, who favored the Nobel Prize in Chemistry for Rajinikanth for unraveling and codifying the most complex chemical processes behind human emotions and transferring them successfully to Chitti, who could develop emotions like anger, jealousy, and love as a result.
Although Chitti was developed as a one-man-army to fight terrorists in Kashmir, the Norwegian Nobel Committee was mighty impressed with Chitti’s emotional speech at the time of evaluation by the Indian Army, where Chitti makes a strong case for world peace, appealing to the Indian soldiers to drop guns and hold dupattas of their beloveds.
“We believe this would be the most non-controversial Nobel Peace Prize ever declared,” hoped a committee member, who texted Chinese President Hu Jintao to “chillax” as the award to the Chinese dissident Liu Xiaobo stood “suspended till further notice” as a result of this decision.
When asked why Rajini was chosen to be presented with the Nobel Prize in Literature for Enthiran, even though the script was written by director S. Shankar, a member of the Swedish Academy retorted, “Would the script have made any sense without Rajini in it?”
Economics was the only field where Rajinikanth was not “yet” awarded the Nobel Prize for this year, but the Nobel Committee justified the decision pointing out that the Nobel Prize in Economics was actually a Nobel Memorial Prize, and hence technically not a Nobel Prize, even though it’s commonly believed to be so by everyone.
“The success of Enthiran and Robot is a great lesson in economics itself,” said a member, “we are thinking of establishing a Rajinikanth Prize for Economics as a token of recognition.”
The Scandinavian committees have left it upon Rajinikanth to decide the date, time and venue for bestowment of the awards.