Meerut. Two patients had to be shifted to intensive care yesterday here, when they were inadvertently exposed to 15 minutes of a toxic Hindi TV serial. Doctors are struggling to restore the damage to the patients’ psyche from the 143rd episode of Parikkkrama – Do Bichhdi Behne Parrrdes Jaakar Kkkabhi To Saaaas Baneingi (PDBBPJKSB). Their condition is reported to be “critical but stable, similar to Manjula in the 67th episode of Samay Kay Saath Badaltey Rishtey”.
Spandan Sharma, a 35-yr old engineer recovering from a gall bladder surgery in a semi-private room in Shakar Hospital on Mujaffarpur Road, and Kirpal Singh, a 42-yr old shop owner recovering from a leg fracture in the same room, had the most grueling experience of their lives when the TV in their room turned to Star One, and stayed on that channel for at least 15 minutes. They have been unconscious since then.
“It could have been much worse if not for the prompt and heroic action of our nurse,” said Dr Manish Tripathi, Medical Director of the hospital. “She picked up on the elevated heart rate of the patients on the remote monitor, and sensing something was very very wrong, ran to their room and quickly assessed the situation.”
“Actually, I got distracted by the TV,” the nurse Santosh told Faking News. “Some vamp with short hair had put a good girl in a chiffon sari in a very uncomfortable position in front of the whole family. Her long-kept secret was about to be revealed. But then they went to a commercial break, and I pulled myself together, telling myself that the faithful servant will surely save his favorite bhabhi from any embarrassment. It was then that I noticed that both patients were staring blankly at the screen, unable to move a muscle – it was clear to me what had happened.”
Apparently, this is not an uncommon reaction to Hindi TV serials. “It was first reported in medical literature in the 1990s when serials like Junoon and Shaanti went way beyond the usual 13-episode run,” says noted Social Psychiatrist Dr Mrinal Shah. “Disorientation, disbelief, nausea and vomiting were commonly reported, reaching a peak with the arrival of Ekkta Kapoor on the scene. But then Indian males quickly developed defensive mechanisms to minimize their exposure to these toxins, most notable among them being working late in the office.”
“Fortunately Indian women are genetically immune to the toxic effects of Hindi serials, experiencing only a mild addictive effect,” adds Dr Tripathi. “The nurse quickly turned the TV off, and the patients collapsed in thankful exhaustion. But the damage was done by that time, and both patients were comatose.”
“PDBBPJKSB is a particularly malignant serial,” says Neurologist Dr Raj Sadana who is managing the patients’ care in the ICU. “It has a combination of all the common noxious ingredients – foul family feuds, coolly rebellious youngsters, hopelessly traditional parents, unnecessary accidents followed by miraculous recoveries, and a heady dose of utterly irresolvable misunderstandings. There is no known treatment, and all we can do is supportive care through subconscious injections of ESPN and Star Sports.”
“In any case we plan to keep both patients in ICU to take financial advantage of the whole situation, and have ordered some expensive tests,” said Dr Tripathi. All the hospital’s female staff have volunteered to watch a re-run of the episode today, which could provide vital clues regarding the exact nature of noxious stimuli the patients were exposed to, and guide further therapy.