Bangalore. Close on the heels of Iran sending a monkey into space, India has announced that it will send Bollywood actor Vivek Oberoi into space. However, authorities have clarified that these two evens should not be linked.
“No, we are neither competing with Iran nor pitching Vivek against a monkey,” ISRO Chairman K. Radhakrishnan told Faking News, “We needed someone who was totally jobless and who might not be missed if stuck in space for a few months.”
ISRO sources revealed that the plan to send someone in space was conceived last year but got stuck in red-tapism and bureaucracy.
“The original pool comprised of Rohit Sharma, Vivek Oberoi, and Manmohan Singh – all of whom met the criteria of being jobless and not getting noticed if missing for a few months,” an ISRO source revealed, “But Rohit Sharma found form and we were told that Manmohan Singh will be available only after the 2014 general elections. Thus Vivek Oberoi won the race by default.”
“This could be Vivek Oberoi’s most successful moment of late,” the source added.
ISRO is confident that Vivek Oberoi will not be missed by anyone and this would be the most important project he has ever taken.
“Frankly, no one took him seriously, starting with Aishwarya Rai,” Mr. Radhakrishnan said, “We are taking him seriously by choosing him for this mission, and we are confident that Mr. Oberoi would accept our offer.”
When asked why any regular and trained astronaut was not picked for the mission, Mr. Radhakrishnan said that ISRO feared unnecessary controversy if a non-Vivek human being was picked up.
“We could have sent only one human being, but people would have asked why a person of this particular religion, caste, or state only? We can’t represent every community of India, which would have resulted in hurt sentiments of other communities,” Mr. Radhakrishnan explained.
The ISRO Chairman further claimed that Vivek Oberoi was beyond any controversy, especially after the Aishwarya Rai issue was allegedly settled.
“The biggest proof is his presence at the oath-taking ceremony of Narendra Modi,” Mr. Radhakrishnan pointed out, “Nobody attacked him despite sharing stage with Modi. Contrast this with what happened to Amitabh Bachchan, Ajay Devgn, and Irfan Pathan.”
“Not even an open letter was addressed to Vivek asking him to explain why he attended the oath-taking ceremony of the most polarizing figure of India,” he explained why Vivek was a safe bet to be sent into space.
When Faking News contacted Vivek Oberoi for comments, he claimed that he didn’t have “dates” and was too busy doing meaningful movies.