Holi se pehle hi maar di kisi ne pichkaari!
Bahut Krantikaari, Bahut hi Krantikaari!
After months of demands to fix races and increasing pressure from the gambling underworld, Can’t Catch Me, a five year old race horse from Rawalpindi, arrived in London yesterday morning. The final straw for the thorough-bred came last week when a masked groom whispered a threat into its ear, “fall at the last fence or you will find your trainer’s head on your favorite hay bale.”
This is already India’s best ever Commonwealth Games performance, but if a proposal by English statisticians Frank Duckworth and Tony Lewis is accepted, India could end up toppling Australia and finishing at the top of the medals tally of the 19th Commonwealth Games that concludes today.
The love-marriage between Indian tennis star Sania Mirza and Pakistani cricketer Shoaib Malik is believed to be going through a rough phase after Shoaib “popped up the question” last night during family dinner. Shoaib is reported to have asked Sania if her consistent poor performance on tennis courts was result of any “match-fixing”. The question, which was rather “innocuous” for Shoaib, has upset Sania no end.
With unfinished construction work, athletes testing positive for banned drugs, threat of dengue, and now Indian hockey team pulling out of the Commonwealth Games, the games are increasingly becoming impossible to host. But the Organizing Committee and the Delhi government have come up with an innovative solution – CWG would be launched as a computer game. The games DVDs would be soon available for purchase and play.
Shocked by the jolt of the rejected Asian Games 2019 bid, Suresh Kalmadi announced today that he was joining forces with the much maligned suspended (changed from ‘former’ after objections from Mr. Modi himself) IPL commissioner Lalit Modi to form a company named Rendenzvous sports club. The company aims at starting parallel Olympic Games and hosting it in India.
Terrified at the possibility of not being able to complete even the basic construction requirements before the scheduled start of the Commonwealth Games, the organizing committee is reported to be planning to create Swine Flu scare in the capital to delay the games. Trusted sources inform Faking News that the committee sees it as the most effective mean left to escape blame for a shoddy performance.
At least five local cricketers are reported to have committed suicide in the last couple of days allegedly after losing their form earlier this season. While the local police is still investigating the matter, former ICC CEO Malcolm Speed has blamed Sharad Pawar, the new President of ICC, for inducing suicidal tendencies among the poor cricketers. Speed even predicted further waves of suicides by cricketers under the presidency of Pawar.
The Sports Ministry is facing the heat after making a series of spelling mistakes, including the name of an awardee, in a formal advisory to the President’s Office. The ministry is known to have recommended the Rajiv Gandhi Khel Ratna Award 2009-10 to a certain “Sania Nehwal”, which was immediately approved by the President of India after thorough considerations.
The match between John Isner and Nicolas Mahut, scheduled to continue today morning, ended in dismay for the French as Mahut failed to wake up on time, causing the match to be “forcefully forfeited” in favor of Isner, who’s from the States. It is said that 10 straight hours of tennis the previous day was the reason for Mahut’s inability to wake up the next morning.
It seems that football fever of a different kind has hit Bollywood! Recent reports indicate that a horde of listless Bollywood actors have descended upon South Africa. Our investigations revealed that under the pretense of watching the world cup, they were actually taking acting lessons from the players. One of the actors, under the condition of anonymity, confessed that they had a lot to learn from these players.