I am sorry if I didn't name anyone in my farewell speech
I am sorry if I named someone in my news reports
AIIMS doctors have found that rats (rodents, not human beings) living in the Parliament are suffering from hearing loss. The shocking truth was discovered by a group of doctors who had been testing an antidepressant drug on animals for its efficacy.
Mumbai residents, who complain about potholes each monsoon, could now breathe a sigh of relief as a new tar is all set to eliminate the root of the pothole problem – parts of roads that fail to get washed away in the rains. A new tar, which is 100% water soluble, will completely remove the remnants of a road that are left back after rains, causing potholes to appear.
After watching hundreds of hours of video footage of television programs like Emotional Attyachaar and MTV Splitsvilla, a group of sociologists have recommended that “love” should hereafter be termed as a “sex giving” in the modern parlance, especially in India. This is a marked departure from earlier practice where “sex” was referred to as “love making” by authors and thinkers.
A foreign student in Delhi has concluded that Hindi was a “made up” language because Indians usually speak English when foreigners were not around, only bringing out the “Big Hindi Joke” when a firangi comes within earshot. Not only Hindi, the student has dismissed all Indian languages as a “joke” that Indians play on outsiders, and the scripts as “squiggles” that were good only for tattoos.
“If a log can be broken by a man in 3 days, by a woman in 4 days and by a child in 7 days, how many logs can be broken by 4 men and 3 women together in 2 days?” while most of us might have hated answering such questions in our high schools, a researcher has found that such questions actually make us prejudiced and has argued for their removal from the textbooks.
Hundreds of men and women believing in the existence of Gräfenberg Spot, an erogenous zone in the vaginal area of women better known as the G-spot, have been out in the streets destroying public property, after scientists at The King’s College London declared it a myth. The protestors are angry over the findings and have asked the scientists to expunge the findings from all scientific journals.
A team of physical, chemical, biological, mathematical and social scientists have concluded that women tend to feel safer among aliens. It was also discovered that this feeling of safety among women was directly proportional to the degree of “foreignness” of creatures around them.
The discovery of the oldest human skeleton, nicknamed “Ardi”, has started throwing various insights into the way humans evolved over ages. After concluding that humans started walking on two feet for food and sex, scientists are now convinced that it was sex only that inspired early humans to develop a language and wear clothes. The surprising findings have been published in the latest edition of the prestigious Science journal.
A research conducted by NICE has found out that men, who tend to talk loudly on their mobile phones during screening of movies in a multiplex or during staging of a play in a theatre, have smaller than average penises. The research was conducted on a group of 500 uncouth and boorish people in the metropolitans, who volunteered without caring to know the hypothesis of the research.
A research conducted by Faking News has proved that most married women in India refuse to take food when they are angry with their husbands. Several reasons and explanations were given by different sets of women for such behavior, but none of them thought it was impractical. The findings have shocked most forward looking men and women as the practice was supposed to be an outdated one.