I am sorry if I didn't name anyone in my farewell speech
I am sorry if I named someone in my news reports
Having missed the last Metro and afraid to take another medium of public transport, a woman in Delhi summoned up some courage to walk back home as she spotted an extra-terrestrial creature walking on the road.
Indian shoplifters have wholeheartedly welcomed the government decision to allow FDI in retail sector and are looking to steal as many costly products as possible when international retail chains such as Walmart open their stores in India. The shoplifters are confident that they can work around the anti-theft devices and system of these stores and use their own desi jugaad to run away with stolen goods.
Residents of a Delhi colony were pleasantly surprised this morning when they were informed that their vehicles, which were stolen a couple of days back, had been recovered with all the accessories intact. But their happiness was short-lived as they soon discovered that the thieves had taken out the most important accessory of their vehicles – petrol. It seems that thieves had voluntarily returned the vehicles after taking out petrol.
Dumped by his girlfriend, laid off by his employer, and ignored by his friends, Gurgaon resident Ramesh Kumar attempted suicide by jumping from his 3rd storey balcony. Although Ramesh is out of danger and recovering from minor bruises, the incident has highlighted the importance of unsolicited SMSes that various telemarketing agencies send to people. Experts believe that such SMSes are life saving for people like Ramesh.
Barely a few hours after important papers related to Adarsh Housing Society scam were reported to have gone missing from the Ministry of Environment office in New Delhi, CBI officials discovered that the whole Adarsh building itself was missing from its place in Mumbai. The area in Colaba, where the Adarsh Housing building stood tall till now, wore a naked look as there was no trace left of the skyscraper, which was often called the “monument of corruption”.
In hope of getting a handsome campus placement and some wonderful colleagues to hang out with, 25-years-old Mayank Pundit is planning to land in Tihar Jail. Mayank’s career plans were revealed last night when he broke into his neighbor’s house and ran away with three T-shirts and an iPhone. He even raised an alarm himself in order to get arrested by the police.
A man from Indore is under investigation following an alleged “fake encounter” that took place in his own home. The incident occurred at approximately 9.34 pm in the kitchen of a family house on the outskirts of the city, where the man is accused to have killed a house mouse. While the investigations are still on, the event is all set to inspire a Bollywood movie.
With land and real estate properties being directly controlled by politicians, Mumbai mafia is now targeting “wombs for rent” market i.e. surrogacy for controlling prices and monopoly. An investigation by Faking News can reveal that 95% of surrogate mothers in Mumbai are currently “rented” by one man. The figure in question is known only as “Baby Rajora” is thought to head the “womb mafia” in Maharashtra.
With women being randomly abducted, raped, and slashed with blades in the national capital, the state government has decided to curb crimes against women by making it difficult for the criminals to spot women in public places. Government has released a set of winter wears that have been termed “unisex” and “safe”, and have asked all the residents, irrespective of their gender, to wear the same.
The begging mafia in Delhi is getting ingenious and keeping with modern times. After using pictures of Hindu gods and goddesses to extract money from the believers, beggars are now using pictures of Jimmy Wales, founder of Wikipedia, and swindling money from internet savvy residents of the national capital in the name of donation to the community driven free web-based encyclopedia.