I am sorry if I didn't name anyone in my farewell speech
I am sorry if I named someone in my news reports
Normal Baba, an aspiring godman who claims to help people with his invisible Third Arm, has successfully received 15 crore rupees of investment from Banyan Capital, a venture capital firm funding promising godmen, tantriks, black-magicians etc.
After weeks of bickering, ruling Congress and opposition BJP have come together and announced a step that they believe would make things better for aam aadmi. Both parties have decided to change the country’s name from “India” to “Inddia”. The new name is expected to bring a new boost to the economy, and help get rid of the bad spirits that have been troubling the country.
A local Tantrik, who earlier worked with India TV as a bulletin producer, has claimed that he could use his special powers to carry out a US like operation to locate and kill fugitives like Dawood Ibrahim and Hafiz Saeed, who are wanted for terrorist activities in India. And all he would need are three dead rats, one boiled egg, 50 grams of vermillion, five chilies, and one lemon.
While the rest of India went red in rage as Sri Lankan spinner Suraj Randiv deliberately bowled a no-ball and denied Indian batsman Virender Sehwag a well deserved century yesterday, Indian astrologers today welcomed the step, rather over-stepping by the bowler, as a much needed divine reprieve for Sehwag, who would otherwise have got into a sinister trap of number 13. It should be noted that if Randiv had not bowled a no-ball, Sehwag could have completed his century number 13 in one-day international cricket matches.
Daati Maharaj of India TV has developed a mantra that allegedly contains powers of controlling the mehengai daayan i.e. the witch of inflation. The path-breaking development, which could bring relief to millions of Indian citizens, was announced in a live program on the news channel earlier today. The program would be repeated three times daily for the next three weeks for the benefit of the viewers who might have missed it today.
In wake of the recent incidents of low-floor DTC buses made by Tata Motors catching fire, Tata Group has decided to perform a Yajna to please Agni devta, who it seems has been quite unhappy with the conglomerate. The decision was announced after a high-level review meeting took place today to discuss the problems in the low-level buses. The meeting was convened by the Chief Minister Sheila Dikshit.
A new study into Mayan calendar, writing and mythology has revealed that most of us could be turning into asses by the end of 2012 i.e. within three years from today, in fact the process is believed to have already started according to the latest research. The study warns that the human race will be replaced by donkeys and the existing donkeys will rule over the neo-donkeys.
“If it is the K-factor for Ekta Kapoor, it is the numeric factor for me”, said Chetan Bhagat during one of his interviews after the release party of his new novel “2 States – The Story of My Marriage”, shocking his fans and followers who thought that Chetan didn’t believe in stuffs like numerology. Chetan candidly conceded that the key to his literary success was numbers and not words.
Today is September 9, 2009, which would be written as 09-09-09 no matter which formatting you use till you stick to Gregorian calendar. One can also write it as 999, which is nothing but 666 written upside down, and 666 is the Number of the Beast according the Holy Bible, which means Satan is watching you upside down. But don’t panic, Faking News will tell you how to protect yourself.