Delhi. An Indian IT company has reportedly taken away toilet paper from the men’s washrooms, effective from September 1, 2017. A male employee, shorter than the average Indian man, was shell-shocked on discovering that there was no toilet paper left in the washroom. He explained, ‘I’m elf-sized so I figured that the toilet paper roll must have been placed higher, where I couldn’t reach it. I craned my neck to see but found that the roll holder was empty!’
The nearly-hysterical employee then had to be calmed down by HR.
The female head of the company’s Software business unit has raised a controversial point with the media, “Men don’t need toilet paper in the washrooms. They can merely aim, do their business, and go wash their hands. The tremendous amount of revenue saved by this cost cutting measure can be diverted towards increasing the business instead.”
Women in the company have nodded their heads in agreement while the menfolk continue to shake their fists in anger. The CEO of the company, being a man, has declined to comment and has shut himself up in his office since the past week (his office has an in-built loo).
The male employees are thinking of starting a revolt by taking newspapers and other important work documents to the loo with them – but not to read.
The HR Head of the company sat down with this Faking News reporter to discuss the other cost cutting measures which will be introduced in October. Foremost among these includes a reduction in the number of mirrors in the ladies’ washroom, to prevent eye strain among women caused by staring at their own reflections for too long.
In a startling new revelation, the company plans the introduction of a word count for every conversation which takes place in the office, to prevent unnecessary conversation from hampering the productivity of each employee.
Word count reports for each department will be submitted to the CEO for his approval, or slipped under his door – if current circumstances continue.
Appropriate action will then be taken against talkative employees.
Faking News will be the first to report, if any further development takes place.