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Satya Nadella announces Rs 500 crore makeover for Internet Explorer and Microsoft

05, Feb 2014 By idiot420

Redmond. Taking a cue from Rahul Gandhi’s Rs 500 crore makeover plan, Microsoft’s newly appointed India born CEO, Satya Nadella has announced a similar plan to revamp tarnished image of Internet Explorer and consequently of Microsoft.

Nadella’s initiative has marked the beginning of series of changes, which Microsoft is going through after getting free from from the clutches of Steve Ballmer, who is also known as Digvijay Singh of Silicon Valley.

IE's newly proposed icon.
IE’s newly proposed icon

“On the top of my priority list is changing public perception of ‘Windows is uncool’, and then to bring back glorious days of Internet Explorer,” said Satya Nadella in his first interview as CEO. By “glorious days of IE” he meant market share, not performance, he later clarified to Faking News.

Microsoft is planning to run an extensive ad campaign to lift Window’s image of a dumb, old, vulnerable, and fragile – which are also the problems associated with Rahul Gandhi and Congress by many – operating system.

“You will see advertisements and movie scenes showing hackers and geeks using Windows 8. Even though people are habituated of seeing Apple products in such movie scenes, we are confident that with a series of ads and in-movie placements, we can change what people believe,” revealed a company insider.

“When it comes to hacking, Windows is usually on the receiving end. But this will change, Microsoft is going to spend a considerable chunk of makeover budget to hire hackers who will be using Windows to hack inside Linux boxes,” the insider further revealed what is being called “Satya Nadella Online Employment Guarantee Scheme”.

Apart from these actions, which are clearly inspired from Congress’ image makeover strategy, Microsoft has planned to change Internet Explorer’s icon and replace it with something more appealing.

“I know, people have lot of bad memories associated with IE. So even the shadow of IE icon horrifies them. That’s why, leave alone using, people don’t even click on it. To counter this issue, we have created a new icon with Pamela Anderson’s image on it. We will have more variants, and we are sure one day we’ll get people to click on them,” Satya disclosed his IE specific makeover plan.

Microsoft is also going to rope in Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt as as the new brand ambassador of Internet Explorer. Bolt is widely regarded as the fastest person ever, while IE is regarded as the slowest browser ever.

Meanwhile, sources say Nadella has a Plan B, in case he fails to boost IE’s market share and public image.

“He may call IE a complete nonsense product and kill it as a part of his corporate social responsibility and emerge as a savior,” claimed a source, “This will change his and Microsoft’s image for sure.”