Chennai. In a surprising move, Spicejet announced today that it has signed a bailout deal with Nirmal Durbar. A radiant, beaming, haloed Nirmal Baba was also present at the hurriedly arranged joint press conference.
Addressing the conference, CEO of Spicejet declared that they decided to go to Nirmal Baba with the faith that God helps all those who are spurned by everyone. As the saying goes, “गरीब का आखिरी सहारा ईश्वर ही हॊता है”.
Later, Nirmal Baba addressed the media and held forth, “Only God can save the aviation industry was the constant refrain of the experts and we decided to prove this hypothesis. Now the powers ‘that be’ would show their ‘kripa’ on the airline to bail it out of its present, precarious situation.”
He continued, “As the Nirmal Durbar business model shows, money is not the most important thing in the world. Even small, day to day, mundane things like a samosa, a piece of cottage cheese, a banana, a red handkerchief or even a blue underwear etc. can give comfort, solace and happiness to the troubled human beings. We would apply this business model to increase business for Spicejet, make huge profits and turn it to number one airline in the universe.”
“Though we cannot disclose our strategy for obvious reasons, I can give you some insights into our problem solving techniques.”
“For example, Spicejet is finding it difficult to convince bankers to provide finance for its operations. Our templates would easily find out whether it would be green mint sauce or a yellow mustard one which would induce the bankers into giving in. These methods work on supernatural powers, bankers are just human beings. These sauces have the power to even mess up with the accounts of our debtors thus wiping out our dues from their books.”
“We can apply similar techniques on finding out as to how will the customers change their search preference to the highest fare instead of the current lowest one or how to motivate the state governments into giving incentives on usage of aviation fuel, instead of taxing it heavily.”
The reporters quizzed the promoters about the conflict between their atheist ideology and this tie up with a religious baba, the Spicejet promoter was categorical, “We have always believed that faith and business should never be mixed or it creates a conflict of interest. If you do, you end up being a Srinivasan, who is answering some tough questions posed by Supreme Court, even on the choice of a son-in-law.”
A managing editor in a media house who is known for his secular credentials, was not enthused by the development. He held forth, “This is yet another example of right wing spreading its tentacles and grabbing a pie in yet another, important part of our secular country. After attempting to saffronize history, education and immigration policies, it is another brazen attempt to saffronize business.”
“Neither the unsuspecting promoters of the airline, nor the business community at large, realize that this is a direct attack on the idea of India.”
Later in the day, a general secretary of the National Secular Party tweeted, “Will babas run businesses now? Will the flights take off with invocation of Gayatri Mantra? Why not Azaan? Will PM Modi answer?”