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Snippets

Kite merchant asks 3 million rupees from government to bailout his ailing business

17, Dec 2014 By RT

Ahmedabad. A kite merchant in the city has appealed to the central government for an INR 3 million bailout of his ailing business.

“It is purely on the public’s interest that I remain in the sky and it is the responsibility of the government to bail me out,” Mr. Mijay Varan, the kite merchant told Faking News.

When queried about how his business had gone beyond the point of return, the kite merchant denied any reports of mismanagement. “What is there to mismanage in a kite business? It is simple, you know. You make a kite, sell to a kid or an adult, make sure it flies and take their money. What is so complex here? How can I mismanage this business?” a furious Mijay Varan yelled at Faking News.

Faking News expects more  such failed businesses lining up for bailouts.
Faking News expects more such failed businesses lining up for bailouts.

“An airline business too, similar to kite business, is fairly simple with a couple of additional steps. You buy an aircraft, fuel the aircraft, sell tickets to passengers, make sure the aircraft flies, and don’t worry about money since you have already taken that from the passengers. Not that complex! But, most people are reported to have grossly mismanaged the business and the government goes all the way on bailouts in the tune of Rs.30000 crores. All I am asking is 30 lacs. The government must pay,” Mijay Varan went on to draw a parallel with the Airlines industry, which is often the hot topic in bailouts.

When queried about him, the merchant, seemingly quite wealthy in spite of his business being in troubled waters, rather in gloomy skies, Mijay Varan was as charming as ever in his retreat.

“Kite is one of my many business interests. Tell you what? I have made more money than 30 lacs as my salary from the kite business in the last 5 years and also I have other business interests. That is none of anyone’s business, you know. My kite business is in trouble and the government must bailout. Is that clear now?” a visibly exasperated Mijay Varan finished his retort not as charmingly as he started, with the smile on his face absent.

Faking News has learnt that Mijay Varan has ambitious plans to revive his business first with the bailout money and make his business literally fly after that. Sky is the limit for him and he has pre-ordered monster electric fans to kick start the kites if for some unusual reasons the kites don’t fly over Ahmedabad skies.

Finally, when Faking News asked the difficult question about the staff not having been paid over several months, Mr. Mijay Varan nonchalantly admitted that most of his staff is in the kite business were for the joy of flying and not to make any money out of it. And unlike the other cruel airlines, which deny salaries as well as the joy of flying to their staff, Mijay’s kites ensured all his staff got at least two kites of their choice prior to the shutdown of business.

“I am confident about the bailout from the government. The PM flies my kites quite often; not as often as he flies the aircrafts, as critically reported by the opposition. Nevertheless, I am in the business of kite flying and the public needs me up there, and it is the government’s responsibility to keep me up there”, Mijay Varan made the exit comment and denied further questions on China Manja and most of his kites having been sold for high prices but advertised at low prices.