Mumbai. In a shocking incident that has sent waves of panic and fear across the financial and banking community in the world, an investment banker at a leading bulge bracket bank has been fired for not laughing at a joke cracked by a client.
The gruesome incident occurred when the banker was accompanying a company looking to raise money, to a prospective investor’s office.
“Exactly 9 minutes into the meeting, the fund manager made a joke about how a heavy biryani dinner last night with his wife had simultaneously caused loose motions to him and constipation to her. Saying this he broke into such a fit of laughter that our Junior Fund Manager secretly became hopeful of an out-of-turn promotion as he expected the fund manager to choke. Everybody looked at each other and then began laughing except for the investment banker who was sitting right next to the fund manager. He remained still like the mannequins they have in showrooms, albeit just an uglier version,” said an eye witness on the condition of anonymity.
“This didn’t go down well with his boss at all who immediately sent him a BBM saying ‘You are fired!!’. What was even more shocking was that the investment banker’s facial expression didn’t change a bit upon reading the message on his Blackberry. I did see some tears roll down his eyes though.”
Faking News caught up with the fired investment banker. His identity is being kept confidential as he has received death threats from other investment bankers for bringing their profession into disrepute.
Sobbed an inconsolable young man in an Armani suit and a sock with two holes, “We are given US Navy seal like training in laughing during induction. The same consists of joining and topping at laughter clubs, watching Sidhu’s videos for an hour every day, and practicing laughing under extreme weather conditions like inside a cold storage. In fact, laughing is the only way we make our presence felt when we take companies to meet clients; else no one even notices our presence.”
“Do you think after all this I would have missed the slightest opportunity to laugh?!?!? I have a spotless track record in timely laughter during six years of my investment banking career so far. It was only that after cracking the joke, the fund manager farted so badly that I had to hold my breath and no one on the planet including Sidhu and Archana Puran Singh can laugh while holding his breath. In that moment I had to make a decision between my life and career and I chose to live,” he disclosed.
Faking News caught up with Tanuj Khosla, its in-house expert on such subjects.
“This is no laughing matter,” said Tanuj while dipping his laddoo in mint sauce, “The only job investment bankers are expected to do is to make the clients feel good about themselves. In fact, they are so well trained that many of them open ‘Art of Living’ centers as part-time jobs, where all they do is massage the egos of their customers. Do you have any idea the trauma the poor fund manager must have gone through on seeing the investment banker not laughing at his joke? He completely deserves to be fired. I would even recommend that the company claws back his past bonus to make an example out of him.”