Wednesday, 20th September, 2017

Snippets

Exclusive: Al-Qaeda's recruitment ad

04, Sep 2014 By Sandeep Kadian

Faking News has accessed a copy of recruitment ad which Al-Qaeda’s newly opened India branch is going to use for fresh hiring:

AL-QAEDA IS HIRING!

Business Development Manager- Al Qaeda (Pan India)

About The Company

Al Qaeda is the market leader in the field of global terrorism for nearly 25 years. After starting out in a small village in Afghanistan, today the company has offices in 13 countries and a virtual office in nearly 100 locations. Despite stiff competition, Al Qaeda has remained the favorite destination for budding terrorists from all parts of the world thanks to our focus and commitment to our ideology. For those who are looking for a stimulating and satisfying environment and are ambitious and ready for challenges, Al Qaeda is the place to be.

Job Description

–  Develop the assigned market including hiring and training the new recruits.

–  Scope the assigned market and identify locations for Al Qaeda operations.

–  Develop relationships with local terrorists and explore possibilities of mergers and acquisitions.

–  Attend Idea Of India summits on company’s behalf.

–  Oversee all projects taking care of finance, logistics, and execution of a terror attack.

Desired Candidate Profile

–  Chemical engineers with hands on experience of working with explosives preferred. Though its not a must, we provide great training facilities.

–  Should be able to handle a knife.

–  Good throwing arm to lob grenades. Cricket background preferable.

–  Should be able to grow a beard. Tiger Shroff types, please excuse.

–  Open to any location across Indian sub-continent

Remuneration & Facilities

–  Free boarding & lodging provided with 3 meals a day.

–  3 porn movies per day to each employee. US commandos didn’t get all of our stash.

–  72 virgins in Jannat after your permanent retirement.

– One month long all paid Europe holiday package before going for a suicide attack.

Interested candidates should apply by sending a copy of their resume to our HR managers who are available at 72hoors4u@jannat.com