Mumbai. After long fought court cases came to mediocre conclusions this week with controversial decisions, eBay has raised a concern regarding the duration and cost involved and has opted to buy the justice system.
“We are confident that we will be able to integrate the money part and the law to provide a foolproof leading guide to judging,” said a senior eBay stakeholder, “This will help courts not worry over cases involving celebrities or politicians and could dispose off their duties quickly with better monetary benefits based on the choices of the person in question.”
Categories for sale include, judges, lawyers, bail term and jail terms. The jail terms also come with prison packages which promises refreshing experience with a members only lounge who can meet similar people who have opted through the site. The packages also include witness creation and witness swapping methods which is guaranteed to even turn witnesses from man to woman officially
“Imagine waiting for 10-15 long years to deliver the desired judgement for which you need to continously pay people for years,” said an ebay employee, “Now if you can get the judgment in just a few months, you can continue with your life easily after that.”
At an additional cost, customers can also opt for “Same day delivery” which would quickly solve cases and give them the desired judgements within a day. If due to technical lapses the judgement is not given within a day, the customer will get a free service for the next lawsuit he/she gets into.
“We have covered all the laws and all the loopholes present in them,” said a manager, “Very soon we will have a law-proof plan within our hands to prove to our customers that we can unscrew anybody’s life.”
After ebay had requested to the justice department to be on sale, the justice system has declined stating that they are already making good business and their business model should not be utilized for encouraging capitalism.
However an official revealed that the main reason why they were not interested in outsourcing was because the officials were too lazy to sign the papers involved which explains the reason why cases get prolonged for many years.
eBay have also designed ways to bid for the highest package which provides proofs that the accused is a good samaritan who has helped poor people. The executives are confident that many businessmen would be fighting for it as it seems to be a popular option to be utilized. However, the justice department has refuted the claims.
“We are for the people and we always sell to the people directly,” said a worker from the department, “We don’t want any third party involvement in this and we are already making good profit for the country too”.
However, it was rumoured that eBay was requested to give reservations to employees from the justice department while purchasing through eBay for this deal which they refused and hence the fallout.
To compete with ebay, Flipkart have also put their bid with extra packages which provide the ‘fake follower’ for revolting against just decisions, making senseless twitter tweets and celebrating during release which give additional respect and fame to the accused.
However, the justice department are currently in a dilemma on which e-commerce site to sell themselves to.