New Delhi. Construction companies, equipment suppliers and corrupt officials have all experienced both the good times and stinging criticism during the run up to the Commonwealth Games. But now Delhi’s satire writers have come under fire for taking part in the “feeding frenzy” surrounding the games.
“These self-styled ‘satirical journalists’ have benefited from the games just as much as the contractors and bribe-taking officials,” said Gautham Dutta, a poet, “these tellers of half-truths have wallowed in the failures of the games preparation by tapping out ever more hack articles on their grubby laptops and thinking they are cleverer than everyone else.”
The games provide little inspiration for “proper writers”, he claims, “Journalists report truth, novelists and poets search for truth, but these literary adolescents find truths and turn them into lies.”
The pre-games “satire boom” is a “bubble”, claims economist Raju Bhatt, “similar to the US housing market or Japan in the 1980s. Basically, it’s an unsustainable growth model which is bound to crash once the games are over. They won’t have a clue what to write about.”
Delhi’s satirists are aware of this, says Bhatt, and are capitalizing on the short term opportunities by knocking out as many CWG related articles and jokes whilst they can.
Delhi’s satirical output has grown by an average of 9% per month in the past year. Experts estimate that CWG related satire accounts for around 8% of this growth, the remaining 1% stemming from stories about how rubbish the Pakistani cricket team is nowadays.
“We’re set for a crash,” explains Bhatt, “satirists will be shocked and clueless for a while, then the will most likely return to their former low-level equilibrium of mass produced man-bites-dog stories and semi-skilled pun based satire. Without their main source of material around 25% of Delhi’s satire writers will leave the sector and return to youtube, wikipedia and looking at photos of people they kind of fancy on facebook.”
“Any talk of a decline is rubbish,” counters an un-named reporter at Faking News’ South Delhi Office, “the CWG has been wonderful; like Christmas, my birthday, and the day when my flatmate left half a pizza in the fridge, all rolled into one, but we’ve taken precautions.” Pausing to adjust his dressing gown, he added, “we’ve been jotting down innovative ideas for weeks now; we now have a list of 56 words which sound similar, we’ve identified the Pakistani cricketer who looks most like a girl and we recently noticed that Sheila Dikshit’s surname sounds kind of rude in English. The future is bright.”
Faking News contacted the Commonwealth Games organizing committee for their comments, but we were told to stop calling.