Monday, 25th September, 2017

Snippets

Company declares bonus after concluding first ever fruitful weekly meeting in a decade

14, Jun 2015 By sameer mahawar

Bengaluru. Playing games on phones, taking naps and chatting on WhatsApp are the only productive things that participants do in weekly review meetings. But this time, it was something off the line.

All the employees of a renowned IT company were caught red handed for attending the meeting attentively, and that too with phones inside their pockets. It was for the first time since the last decade when they were able to understand good-for-nothing and lengthened presentations, for which usually the presenter himself remains unaware and unsure about what he is really talking, claims the CEO Rahul Madhav, who has habit of declaring bonuses now and then.

These employees are not getting any bonus
These employees are not getting any bonus

Happy with this thing, Mr. Madhav has decided to declare the bonus once again, awarding the employees with peanuts, bigger in size than those given previously.

“Nobody thought that meeting participants won’t take a nap and won’t use Facebook or WhatsApp during a meeting which accidentally turned into a fruitful one. As per my experience, I haven’t recorded a single meeting where our employees were not spotted sleeping with eyes and/or mouth open. I am extremely gay (adjective) that these silly people have finally started giving heed to slideshows which are of little or no use to the company”, said Rahul, challenging the CEOs of other companies to conduct such types of meetings, if they can.

Mr. Agarwal, an employee and a whistleblower (on the condition of disclosing his name), told Faking News about the reason why they were focusing completely on the projector and not on their phones. “Actually, as per our beloved CEO, we were not able to fulfill this quarter’s target, like everytime. He was showing us what problems we can face if we get fired from the job. This nightmare didn’t let us sleep.”

The employees who used to have their WhatsApp statuses as ‘In Meeting… Can WhatsApp and even attend calls’ had their statuses changed to ‘Hey there, I am not using WhatsApp’.

Employees are still happy that the peanuts received by them in bonus would be used as chakna in late sufi nights.