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Bribe Bank launched to harness the power of corruption

10, May 2013 By Simon

Mumbai. A new bank is tackling India’s flagging economic growth by harnessing India’s natural competitive advantage: corruption.

Opened in Mumbai last week, Bribe Bank of India has already taken thousands of brown envelopes stuffed with Rs. 1000 notes and has issued accounts to hundreds of government officials.

“It’s simple,” explains founder, Sahil Date, “Why should a hard working official keep crores at home for the CBI to find when his ‘friend in business’ can simply deposit an envelope discretely in his Bribe Bank account or even bribe online?”

Bribery
With a legal Bribe Bank, the problem of private and nationalized banks indulged in money laundering will also go away, some claim.

Account holders are given debit cards and access to their cash through Bribe Bank ATMs. “Our ATMs do charge a Rs. 50 withdrawal bribe fee,” admits Date, “But then everyone needs a little kickback and our clients expect it from us.”

Asked why a hard-grafting babu should not simply open up a foreign account, Date pointed out that his bank invested the bribe money in the Indian economy.

“Thanks to us, bribing is now in our national economic interest,” he explained, “CBI may give a corrupt person clean chit, but we give them a clean conscience, as they know that their bribe money was used in nation building.”

Date added that the bank needed to make the “occasional payment” to “cool the heat on the operation”.

The service is proving popular. “Mr Kumar”, 42, a government official, used to receive a little cash from two local businessmen once a month. But thanks to Bribe Bank’s easy and unaccountable online service he is taking bribes from twenty businessmen.

“Due to my Bribe Bank account, I am working much harder now,” he told Faking News.

The opening of Bribe Bank’s Bangalore branch has been postponed following the defeat of the BJP in the assembly elections.

Date refused to confirm whether the bank’s new advertising poster would, as rumors suggest, feature Jaganmohan Reddy and the slogan “He should have gone to Bribe Bank – corruption without disruption.”