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After Sharapova incident, govt plans to develop troll potential of the country and export it as a service

05, Jul 2014 By shikshit ganwar™

New Delhi. India is planning to exploit the “trolling potential” of its social media users, and export it as a service like BPO, KPO and IT. This was communicated in a statement issued to the press by HRD ministry earlier today.

The decision was taken after government realized the ever increasing trolling capacity and reach of the Indian trollers, who have shown their potential by trolling Maria Sharapova’s Facebook and Twitter accounts after she mentioned that she didn’t know who Sachin Tendulker was.

Troll
Follow your passion, job will follow you.

This has made the world take notice of India’s troll power.

“We always had this power which could prove to be a great employment giver for the youth, but the UPA government failed to recognize and exploit it,” the statement by the HRD ministry stated.

Service industry experts agree to this, and they say that it was really always before our eyes but it took a visionary government to realize this.

“Just looking at comments on any online newspaper article will tell you that Indians have enhanced this power greatly. They discovered this power first by fighting among each other over region, religion, and language, and their favorite actors and cricketers, and later they expanded their expertise to fight for political parties,” an expert told Faking News.

“Even looking at the comment section of any Pakistani newspapers will tell you that most of the commentators are Indians, not Pakistanis. It was greatly enhanced because of its full utilization in the Lok Sabha elections, and  entry of a huge number of new people in this field in the wake of the elections,” the expert added.

Experts agree that because of our demographic dividend and basic literacy, and because of a lot of free time our youth have, we have a potential unmatched by any other country.

“All kinds of countries and groups will be eager to take our services. For example, USA could use trollers to troll Snowden and Julian Assange. If it was done effectively when they leaked first documents, the world would not even have been able to know what they were trying to say,” the expert explained why India was sitting on a gold mine.

“Arab countries are seeing a lot of trouble because of use of social media by the public. Effective use of trollers will stop any proper communication between would-be trouble makers. We can get oil for trolling,” the expert claimed.

“Similarly China can use trollers to not let its people discuss on social media about the state and the communist party, but instead spend time fighting over Mandarin and Cantonese, or abusing Japanese people, or fighting over Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee. In return for this service, we can ask China to stop intruding into our territories,” the expert further explained huge potential “trolling as a service” has.

Most of the regional parties were not able to comment on the issue, because their spokespersons did not know what social media was.

Congress spokesperson, after being explained that trolling was different from planting favorable journalists into media, grudgingly commented, “Of course BJP government was able to realize this potential, they have the biggest troll army.”

Later he added, “This is not an original idea. UPA government was the first planning to bring ‘Right to Troll’ and ‘eNREGA’ bill, but could not bring it because of disruption of parliamentary proceedings by the opposition. We were going to do it despite always being at the receiving end of BJP’s troll army, which shows our commitment to secularism and inclusive-growth.”

He also blamed Manmohan Singh for not being able to effectively communicate this to the public.

AAP, which has the second largest army of trollers, welcomed the move despite the decision being announced by Modi sarkar. The party quickly added that Modi sarkar was conspiring to give trolling contracts to private parties. It also promised to provide 70 minutes of free internet to everyone daily so that people can troll others easily.

As soon as the decision was announced, Sensex peaked to its life-time highest value, driven by heavy rush of foreign institutional investors towards India. Many venture capitalists in Bangalore and Silicon Valley have expressed their desire to invest in this sector and are currently going through millions of Twitter profiles to identify the brightest trolls of India.