London. The Oxford University has declared a lifelong fellowship, honorary doctorate, and a $10 million grant for any scholar or team who can come up with an equation, which can relate post-appraisal salary hike with appraisal rating and overall performance in a year.
The university has offered this grant in collaboration with Cambridge and Stanford universities, because they couldn’t find a corporate sponsor. This grant is so far the biggest in the world of mathematics and theoretical physics.
“We are calling it the Bengaluru- Hyderabad Award and RajuRaju Fellowship for obvious connection of this equation with India and Indian IT companies,” said the head of department of Mathematics and Statistical Calculations, Prof. Dr. David No-Solving.
It has been believed for years that these three factors (actual performance, appraisal process, and salary hike) are somehow related to each other but so far no one could find out how exactly they are related.
As per the HR analysts and classic theory of hardworking, this relation is linear, but the real world results are contradicting.
This problem was first discovered in the year 2006, by a bright Indian IT professional Rajat Code-kar, when he had his first post appraisal review meeting. Rajat was not able to relate his high ranking with low salary hike.
Rajat asked this question to his IIT Delhi professor Dr. Maneesh Dhoondunga. Maneeesh initially thought this problem is isolated to one IT company only, but was surprised to later find out that the same anomaly exists in different forms in every IT company.
“It was like watching same movie over and over again,” said Maneesh, “Every time when I came up with an equation which I thought was right, HR department added another clause.”
“Here in Oxford, we have been working with most advanced super computers to include every possible variable in this equation,” professor No-Solving revealed, “We are now considering each factor like the distance of nearest chai shop and smoking zone, the weight and speed of associates, lines of code per hour that can be typed and also with our partnership with Omega; now we can calculate the work hours down to nanoseconds, but still could not come to a correct equation. It was like a dark tunnel with no light in the end!”
Conspiracy theorists believe that Human resource department of IT companies are very well aware of this equation and it has been deliberately not made public to keep up the resource
When this Faking News correspondents tried to contact human resource team, the HR manager refused to comment.
However, in an interesting twist of events, Rajat Code-kar who has been believed to be the discoverer of this problem, has now denied any remote connection at all with this problem. Rajat, who is currently a manager in the same IT company, refused to take any question as they were not emailed to him in advance.
But the IT professionals in India are really excited to see some research in this field. “This will help us to get the work life balance and also help us meet our professional goals,” hoped Ajay Java, a 3 year IT professional from Pune.
Not only mathematicians and statisticians, this complex has started inspiring many other institutions around the world; CERN is considering reprogramming the Large Hadron Collider to first solve this problem before continuing research on The God particle.
“This is something that only god appears to know, so if we can crack this problem, we can crack anything,” a scientist from CERN told Faking News.