I am sorry if I didn't name anyone in my farewell speech
I am sorry if I named someone in my news reports
The entire cricketing fraternity is in for a rude shock today, as three Indian cricketers on the West Indies tour have been tested positive in a dope test, for consuming “performance reducing” drugs. Although the names of the cricketers involved haven’t been disclosed, BCCI declared today that three cricketers have been suspended for consuming banned drugs that led to an extraordinarily subdued performance by the team.
Rumor mills in Bollywood are abuzz with talks of Bollywood veteran Simi Garewal being cast in the upcoming Twilight movie – Breaking Dawn Part 1. Simi, who recently became a trending topic on Twitter without going on a fast unto death to protest against seven signs of ageing, is said to be very secretive about the project and is playing it really close to her heart.
In a surprise move that took the nation by its ‘balls’, BCCI today announced that IPL -5, the professional Twenty20 cricket league, will start from tomorrow. Reliable sources have revealed to Faking News that the BCCI is doing this under political pressure, to try and end Baba Ramdev’s fast. Baba Ramdev has went on an abridged fast starting today morning, after talks with the government failed.
Microsoft today announced that the next version of Microsoft Office will carry a cutting edge feature called “Reality Check” that will take Artificial Intelligence to the next level. The new feature allows a user to verify the ‘reality’ behind any data that he enters in Microsoft Office. In a few Alpha tests, Reality Check was used on some sample data, and the results were astonishing.
In an unprecedented attack, notorious email hackers group MOCODO (MOst COders are DOrks), hacked into email accounts of millions of users across the world. While a large chunk of critical information was at stake, the hackers instead chose to to release “Secret Questions” of thousands of users on popular questions portal, iBaBaBuBu.com. Although it appears to be a minor violation of privacy, this move by the hackers has caused widespread discontent amongst users.
In a surprising series of events, a bookseller from Gujarat performed surgery on himself, after being inspired by a book. Panna Lal, owner of Jai Shri Krishna book stores in Gandhinagar, slit his wrist after reading management guru Arindam Chaudhari’s bestseller – “Discover the Diamond in you”. Panna was hoping to find some diamonds inside him, an embarrassing reality that he was initially reluctant to admit.
Nitin Das was running a flourishing chain of automobile repair workshops under the name of ‘Das Auto’ when he saw the new Volkswagen commercial on the national television. Infuriated at his brand name being used as Volkswagen’s tagline, without his prior permission, he decided to take legal action against the automobile company. In a press conference later in the evening, his lawyer announced that they’ve filed a copyright violation case against Volkswagen India.