NEWSWIRE

Reports by Simon

BMC finds secret dance bars featuring mannequins

BMC finds secret dance bars featuring mannequins

May 29, 2013 Comments

BMC has claimed to find secret clubs and dance bars where mannequins perform wearing nothing but lingerie. The corporation has asked the state government to ban such bars to curb sex crimes.

IPL-7 will be a movie starring Sachin Tendulkar

IPL-7 will be a movie starring Sachin Tendulkar

May 27, 2013 Comments

The IPL series will continue despite the recent spot-fixing controversy, confirmed the BCCI. However, IPL 7 will see a small format change so that Sachin Tendulkar is visible even in the next season.

Car with 5 wheels launched to take on Bajaj’s auto-rickshaw with 4 wheels

Car with 5 wheels launched to take on Bajaj’s auto-rickshaw with 4 wheels

May 24, 2013 Comments

An automotive company in UP claims to have trumped Bajaj’s new quadricycle RE60. They have launched a car with an extra wheel on top and car calling it “Ulta Ultra”.

Rahul Gandhi to fake Imran Khan like injury to appear charismatic

Rahul Gandhi to fake Imran Khan like injury to appear charismatic

May 10, 2013 Comments

Following the injury sustained on the campaign trail by Pakistani celebrity-politician, Imran Khan, Congress is considering staging a similar accident to make Rahul Gandhi appear charismatic.

Bribe Bank launched to harness the power of corruption

Bribe Bank launched to harness the power of corruption

May 10, 2013 Comments

A new bank is tackling India’s flagging economic growth by harnessing India’s natural competitive advantage: corruption.

Scientist develops special gene to help students score over 100% marks

Scientist develops special gene to help students score over 100% marks

Jun 25, 2011 Comments

Owing to skyrocketing cutoffs for admission to Delhi University, a geneticist has isolated the gene for academic excellence, which will help students break the barrier of 100% marks in exams. Professor Mohan Bhatt successfully found the gene after ten years of collecting DNA samples from tea cups at JNU. Prof. Bhatt claims that genetically modified students will be able to score around 110% in board exams.

Foreigner finds Indian whiskey taste like sugar syrup and Complan

Foreigner finds Indian whiskey taste like sugar syrup and Complan

May 31, 2011 Comments

IMFL or “Indian Made Foreign Liquor” should be reclassified as “Indian made liquor” or something similar after an investigation found that foreigners could not recognize most domestically produced alcohol. A distinguished panel, assembled by Faking News after visiting a few Paharganj guesthouses, was given numerous “Indian made foreign liquors” to identify. However, many did not recognize what each liquor was “meant to be”.

Adult sites replace “bad words” to avoid being blocked by office IT guys

Adult sites replace “bad words” to avoid being blocked by office IT guys

May 27, 2011 Comments

Lifestyle and pornographic websites have begun replacing “filtered” words like “sex” with innocent words to stop their sites being blocked by office IT administrators. This was done after website administrators realized that they were losing a lot of potential traffic to some news and current affairs websites like timesofindia.com and rediff.com. Post the changes, many websites are experiencing increased hits and employees claim increased productivity.

China planning to create cheap copy of Pakistan near Arunachal Pradesh

China planning to create cheap copy of Pakistan near Arunachal Pradesh

May 12, 2011 Comments

After Indian intelligence agencies confirmed the presence of suspected Chinese military engineers in Pakistan occupied Kashmir (PoK), Faking News has found out the details of the secret mission these engineers are on. Using their famous “reverse engineering” method to create knock-off goods, the Chinese are trying to create a region like PoK near Arunachal Pradesh, some parts of which China has been claiming as “disputed territory”.

Sachin asked to broker peace between Naxals and Government

Sachin asked to broker peace between Naxals and Government

May 9, 2011 Comments

After Sachin Tendulkar successfully resolved the fight between Andrew Symonds and Harbhajan Singh, government has been thinking of making use of little master’s negotiating skills to the benefit of the larger society. As a first step towards that, center has asked Tendulkar to go to Chhattisgarh and settle the dispute between the government and the Naxals. Although Tendulkar is unsure of the whole idea, he has agreed to help.