NEWSWIRE

Reports by Mouthful

Rahul Gandhi vows to marry if Congress is voted to power in Uttar Pradesh

Rahul Gandhi vows to marry if Congress is voted to power in Uttar Pradesh

Feb 13, 2012 Comments

Rahul Gandhi has announced that he would marry someone from UP if Congress comes to power in the state. While no one is sure how this could help Congress win elections, party leaders are claiming that Rahul Gandhi has played a masterstroke. The announcement has pushed the state Congress unit into ecstasy as media grabbed the news and made it the biggest headline of the day.

Sibal to go back in time to convince Mayans they were wrong about 2012

Sibal to go back in time to convince Mayans they were wrong about 2012

Jan 5, 2012 Comments

CAG has found out major inaccuracies in the Mayan calendar that predicts an end of the world in 2012. In order to convince the world, and the Mayan people themselves, CAG has asked union minister Kapil Sibal to travel back in time and convince Mayans that they were wrong in their calculations. Sibal will leave on this mission with four other time travelers next Monday.

Suresh Kalmadi to organize world class flash mob at Tihar jail

Suresh Kalmadi to organize world class flash mob at Tihar jail

Dec 26, 2011 Comments

Suresh Kalmadi has got a chance to redeem himself and Delhi, which has been trying to outdo Mumbai in organizing flash mobs ever since CST railway station organized one. The jailer of Tihar jail today announced that to keep pace with other institutions, Tihar has decided to go for its own flash mob, ably organized by its VIP inmates under the chairmanship of Suresh Kalmadi.

Only copy of Lokpal Bill prepared by the government goes missing

Only copy of Lokpal Bill prepared by the government goes missing

Dec 21, 2011 Comments

In a shocking development that has scared the collective shit of the government representatives, the only copy of the much touted long-held ‘Lokpal Bill’ has suddenly gone missing. UPA ministers, who were handling the strings of the allegedly path-breaking bill, were left red faced as media and activists probed the whereabouts of the anti-corruption antidote. No other copy of the bill was made since earlier leaks had forced the government to be extra careful

Pakistan makes fake profile on Facebook to send friend request to USA

Pakistan makes fake profile on Facebook to send friend request to USA

Dec 13, 2011 Comments

Pakistan has sent a ‘friend request’ to United States using a fake Facebook account after relationship between the two nations grew ugly in the real world. The step would help Pakistan play ‘both ways’. On one side, people would feel that USA and Pakistan are no more friends on Facebook, while at the same time Pakistan could still ‘like’ activities of the USA if the friend request is accepted.

Censor cuts Emraan Hashmi scenes to reduce obscenity in The Dirty Picture

Censor cuts Emraan Hashmi scenes to reduce obscenity in The Dirty Picture

Dec 1, 2011 Comments

After some groups expressed concerns over the likely sleazy content in the movie The Dirty Picture, Censor Board met today to release a cleaner version of the movie. However, the producers of the movie were shocked to receive the culled prints, which didn’t have Emraan Hashmi appearing on screen, except for a minute or two after the interval and a 13 second flashback near the end.

Parliament to be converted into amusement park to recover lost money

Parliament to be converted into amusement park to recover lost money

Nov 28, 2011 Comments

Reacting to criticisms that the nation was losing 2 crore rupees each day due to parliament being adjourned randomly, government has decided to convert the parliament into an amusement park. Once any house of the Parliament is adjourned, an aam aadmi will be able to buy tickets and see MPs doing things that will amuse him or her. The scheme will be launched next week.