When will my problems end?
Ek aur shaadi kar lo, kripa aani shuru ho jayegi
Pinku, a local monkey, died of stress today after being bitten by a software engineer last week. His untimely demise has triggered a panic response in the city and hordes of animals were seen migrating out of the city to avoid catching this deadly disease that has risen to epidemic proportions among Gurgaon humans.
Dumped by his girlfriend, laid off by his employer, and ignored by his friends, Gurgaon resident Ramesh Kumar attempted suicide by jumping from his 3rd storey balcony. Although Ramesh is out of danger and recovering from minor bruises, the incident has highlighted the importance of unsolicited SMSes that various telemarketing agencies send to people. Experts believe that such SMSes are life saving for people like Ramesh.
In a historic move, the aam aadmi of India has forgiven Ekta Kapoor for all her television serials after watching Once Upon a Time in Mumbaai, produced by her Balaji Telefilms. “It was a difficult thing to do, but we Indians always forgive the people lost in mornings when they come back home in the evenings to face the latest episode of Bandini on Star One,” says moviegoer Vishal, echoing the sentiments of crores of married Indian males.
Local rickshaw puller Dhani Ram and his family entered the Lower-Middle Class early last month, an year after migrating to Gurgaon from a drought-stricken village in Parbhani district of Bihar. This sudden upturn has left them with too many choices for their comfort. Experts are blaming the booming economy of India for pushing the family into what may be the most complex phase of their lives.
Local residents Harmesh and Deepti Gupta are quite happy with the house they have rented in the middle of nowhere in Sector-46, Gurgaon, and give all the credit for this wonderful deal to their most helpful and honest property dealer, Mr Bunty Mehta. Sources report that the deal is said to be another ‘feather in the cap’ for Mr Bunty, who specializes in renting properties that other property dealers generally give up as ‘unrentable’.
Approximately 72 hours after the discovery of a definitive cure for all forms of cancer, Dr Hari Kumar, Associate Professor of Biotechnology at the Indian Institute of Science (IISc), is still waiting for the mainstream media to broadcast the story. So far, none of the TV channels or newspapers have gotten around to reporting this completely non-controversial and quite bland news item, sources report.
Two patients had to be shifted to intensive care yesterday here, when they were inadvertently exposed to 15 minutes of a toxic Hindi TV serial. Doctors are struggling to restore the damage to the patients’ psyche from the 143rd episode of Parikkkrama – Do Bichhdi Behne Parrrdes Jaakar Kkkabhi to Saaaas Baneingi. Their condition is reported to be “critical but stable, similar to Manjula in the 67th episode of Samay Kay Saath Badaltey Rishtey”.
The powers-that-be in Haryana Government are flustered over an unexpected amount of money that recently came into the government coffers when a traffic policeman stationed on NH-8 near Manesar collected Rs. 800 as challan from a speeding Toyota Innova, instead of following the norm of pocketing the cash himself. An inquiry could be ordered into this incident that has left the state machinery shocked.
A man and a woman visited the Barista Lavazza Coffee Shop located at the Grand Mall on MG Road this Wednesday for the purpose of having coffee, had two cups of coffee, just coffee and nothing else, paid their bill and went away.