Reports by Ankur Nigam
“Head north towards Maya#3899, Turn left at Elephant#23, Pass by the KansiRam#19 and take a final right at Ambedkar#6” was how Google Maps gave directions to Chandru Prasad when he used his Android phone to find out how to reach Pandey Paan Bhandar from his house. Starting today, Google is planning to use the ever growing statues in the state for the benefit of aam aadmi.
With swear words becoming acceptable and valuable in public life of late, the hunt for “gaali capital” of India has started a la Mumbai being the “financial capital” and Bangalore being the “IT capital”. According to the latest reports, the city of Kanpur appears to have taken the lead with local youth laying a claim over the title owing the age old traditions of the city.
Students of a local engineering college are protesting against the appointment of Lokesh Pal, an honest lab-assistant who is refusing to “help” students in their practical examinations. Students have threatened to go on a fast unto death in front of Dean’s office if Ganesh Gupta, the old lab-assistant was not brought back. Students claims that Ganesh’s helpful ways were in keeping with the institute’s constitution and tradition.
In a bizarre incident, Shruti Chandra, a housewife, has filed an FIR against her husband for dropping her at a Maruti service center instead of a beauty parlor. The couple has been happily married over five years and this is their first incident of dispute where Shruti has accused her husband of negligent driving, defamation, infidelity, mental harassment, and cruelty by spouse in a domestic relationship.
Ever since Alpagya Shukla, a senior coder working in the mobile software firm Volcano, got his iPhone, he has been on an indefinite mission to show it to all his colleagues. A pain in the ass for everyone for the past two weeks, Alpagya reported early today that probably there was one person still left out in the office, whom he has not been able to show his new phone.
India is all set to witness its own real life version of the Prison Break. DMK head Karunanidhi will do a Scofield to help his daughter Kanimozhi escape from the Tihar Jail. In the television version, Scofield rescues his brother out of a prison by staging a bank robbery and getting himself arrested and sent to the same prison where his brother has been held until execution on false charges.
Realizing that political leaders with nicknames reminding people of blood relations (e.g. Behenji, Didi, Amma, and Aunty) have been tasting electoral success of late, former CM of UP Mulayam Singh Yadav has decided to drop his earlier nickname and take on a new one that conforms to this phenomenon. He now wants to be called “Bhaiyyaji” and is willing to partner with Behenji under leadership of Madamji.
A software engineer has reported his manager’s Facebook profile for abuse after being upset with the appraisal rating given to him. Working as a Junior Software Engineer in TCS for the last eight years, Mukul who joined the IT giant as a fresher, had almost reconciled himself to the harsh verdict but the latest Facebook status update from his boss proved to be the last straw.
A man in Kanpur, who grew up listening to fascinating tales about Sunil Gavaskar and other cricketing legends from his father, has lost all hopes of doing the same to his sons, whom he wanted to regale with his original tales about Sachin Tendulkar. As Sachin turns 38 today, Chiraunji Lal, a cricket fan and an LIC agent, worries about the unfulfilled ambition of his life.