NEWSWIRE

New Delhi. Soon after Congress leader Pramod Tiwari raised the bar of devotion and faithfulness toward the Nehru-Gandhi family by claiming that one could see Rahul Gandhi inside if his chest was torn open, party high command issued an order to undertake chest X-Ray of all party leaders present at the AICC meet.

“No, we trust our leaders and workers. The x-ray was ordered to do a referendum on how many agreed with Pramod Tiwari ji,” clarified Congress spokesperson Manish Tewari, who successfully passed the x-ray test.

Rahul Gandhi in Heart

Well, kind of…

Sources tell Faking News that except one leader, all party leaders passed the test as Rahul Gandhi’s name or image was found on their hearts.

“Rajiv Shukla’s x-ray report showed Rahul Gandhi in 3D,” claimed one party worker who is widely known as Rajiv Shukla’s Rajiv Shukla.

The leader who failed the test is reported to be a little known mukhiya from Rajasthan, Hanuman Singh. Reportedly, names of Ram and Sita were found in his x-ray report, which irked other Congress leaders even more.

“The initials R and S were visible and we thought it was Rahul and Sonia, but once we zoomed in, we found it was Ram and Sita!” a Congress worker disclosed the frustration.

Hanuman Singh was immediately served a show cause notice and asked to explain this before Rahul Gandhi’s speech started. Hanuman failed to complete this task and he was expelled from the party.

Party leaders justify the decision and reject that it was undemocratic or autocratic.

“We gave him a chance and opportunity to correct his mistakes,” Manish Tewari disclosed, “He was asked to undergo a corrective heart surgery to get Rahul’s name or image etched on his heart, but he refused!”

“Congress can’t tolerate such people who show indiscipline and communal colors,” Congress leader Digvijay Sigh further justified the party’s decision to expel Hanuman Singh.

Meanwhile biologists and sycophants world over are shocked how could a person’s heart have a physical image or name of someone inscribed on it.

“When you like something or love someone from heart, all the universe conspires in helping your heart to achieve it in tattoo form,” said Mani Shankar Aiyar misquoting Paulo Coelho.

“Rahul ji is our natural leader and our natural tattoo,” Manish Tewari concluded.

Report filed under:

Politics


  • Ninja

    Dil me Rahul, Juba pe India.

  • BRILLIANT

    Absolutely Brilliant. What a fantastic way to articulate the message that all the mouthing is only a show for the public, while “AT HEART” even die hard congress men do not believe in what they say

  • X-RAY replaces ACCESS control

    This is a story of a 125 year old company. Though no one knows if this is the true original company, since it had many subsidiaries at different points in time and one of its subsidiaries that survived today claims it is the original company. It is owned by a family. All decisions are taken by the family head. It is rumored many of the company properties have been transferred to the family. Some of its employees have the job of running its operational division that serves the customers, rest are generally considered jobless (though some of them have some internal company duties). It is believed its employees have to profess absolute loyalty to the owners to retain their job/ jobless status. The performance of its operational division (mainly having non family members as employees) in the last 10 years received lot of flak from media and its customers especially its CEO whose survival is a matter of awe given the perception he has delivered nothing. To revamp its effectiveness and address simmering doubts about the loyalty of its employees it has decided to replace all access controls in all company offices and company events with a heart scanning x-ray machines that could indicate the extent of loyalty.

    • What next

      This company is facing emerging competition. Their primary national rival is a company that claims it is not owned by the family but rather by its employees. This rival company has had good success in some of the regions. Another company that is challenging it is an young startup that has claimed market share in one of the regions. This startup claims it is not owned by a family or its employees but by its customers. There are rumors that the older company has struck a pact with the startup to curb the growing marketshare of its primary rival.

      • Competition

        This family owned company has gotten so weak that now-a-days it runs away at the sight of even a Tea Vendor.

    • dentist

      Superb boss, awesome

  • yahoo

    claimed one party worker who is widely known as Rajiv Shukla’s Rajiv Shukla. Superb Rofl

  • harsha77

    One secret news leaked : Rahul Gandhi’s X-ray showed no heart. But this is private and confidential!

  • NIRMAL AGRAWAL

    This Dynasty , is their Destiny …& Nation’s Disaster …

  • Crusade Against Corruption

    Jabardast chamchagiri in Congress

  • Crusade Against Corruption

    National pappu

  • P.T.DAS, HYDERABAD

    Superb. No words.

  • Badarinath Katti

    best satire!