New Delhi. After scaring the shit out of USA with strong protests over humiliation of Devyani Khobragade, the Government of India has now announced corrective measures to make sure that another Indian diplomat was not humiliated by the US government in future.

After an emergency meeting called last night, the government could spot the root cause of the problem – low salaries of IFS offices that disallows them the necessity of having maids.

US Dollars

Much more of these are needed to save our diplomats

“Devyani was forced to work around the US laws as she couldn’t have paid her maid as per the US laws, which calculates maid’s salary like the former CAG of India used to calculate notional losses,” Foreign Minister Salman Khurshid claimed, “Unfortunately we can’t ignore US laws like we used to ignore CAG reports, so we decided to look for solutions.”

The most obvious solution that the government could think of was increasing the salaries of the Indian diplomats and senior consulate officials, especially those posted in the USA.

“Their salaries on paper are low, just like we MPs get just a few thousand rupees per month,” Khurshid explained, “However they get nice benefits, such as luxurious houses to live in and perpetual perks to enjoy their deputation abroad.”

“Since their houses are big, and they need to travel a lot to enjoy the country of their posting, it makes it necessary that they employ maids to take care of the house and household things like children,” the Foreign Minister added, “We realized that we must increase their salaries so that they can comply with local laws and employ maids.”

Since the on-paper salary of a round-the-clock working maid comes out to be higher than on-paper salary of a round-the-clock allegedly working Indian diplomat in US, the government has decided to increase the salaries of the diplomats by at least 300%.

When this Faking News reporter asked if the other benefits too would increase in proportion with the increase in basic salary, Salman Khurshid said that the law would take its own course.

When asked if this was not a waste of Indian taxpayers’ money, the government claimed that such objections were ridiculous and stupid.

“We have taken that into account. Such insults to Indian diplomats cause huge public outrage and it results in loss of working hours of professionals and loss of well being of emotionals due to blood pressure issues. We can save these industrial and medical losses if we increase the salaries,” Kapil Sibal explained the maths behind the decision.

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  • Yaaro Ka Yaar

    What the heck… US doesn’t know in india avg maid gets 3000-5000 per month … not 20, 000 to 25, 000 INR…. due to this confusion… our diplomat is strip searched… so sadddddd….

    • FacePalm

      And an Indian does not know that he needs to pay more than 3000 INR when the same Indian lives in a foreign land… So Sadddd… Typical Indian mindset which never changes…

  • Sumit

    When it comes to explaining maths, none can beat Shri Kapil Sibal ji.

  • Guest

    Wonderful rticle – satire at its very best! ‘to take care of the house and household things like children’ – LOL :) An idea for your next article – MEA wakes up to the plight of an Indian diplomat. Rushes a maid to the aid of two little girls in Manhattan who are our budding IFS officers of tomorrow.

  • Sphinx

    No more hikes to govt officers please. I can’t pay more tax to Chiddu.

    Rather send only those govt officers who can manage without a nanny.

    • Pavithra

      On the nanny/help part, here is a comment by Shashidhar, which is bang on the subject –

      • Sphinx

        I had same reaction when the story broke out for the first time one week ago:
        Two concerns:

        1. Indian middle class can’t manage without domestic help.

        2. We don’t think much before breaking the law as in India. We are sure of managing the law enforcement agencies with bribe or influence anywhere.

        • Pavithra

          That is right!
          1)Indian families are pretty big in number
          2)Most Men in the house, never share house-work
          3)We never teach our kids to be independent enough to take care of their every day home-work. I know people, who spend 3 to 4 hours every day on just this work! And the homework is pretty harder than the actual school work itself – schools are to be blamed for pushing stuffs on parents.
          4)The work hours are too much – easily 10 hours every-day when compared to say a strict 8 hours or less in The USA.
          5)Flexible work timing in the west helps too – Like 4 days/10 hours format etc…
          6)The commute to office – to & fro takes the entire energy and time away.

          With this much trouble in hand – I guess, having a maid in India is justified.

          But yes, when working in The US, it is not necessary – because we all end up working and getting the same time just like any other American.

  • FNsux

    Humdrum writing. Where is Pagal Patrakr of old? He writes so less and yet so monotonous.

  • Observer

    Why not these diplomats learn to live without maids and servants? When are they going to get out of this feudal mentality?