NEWSWIRE

New Delhi. After scaring the shit out of USA with strong protests over humiliation of Devyani Khobragade, the Government of India has now announced corrective measures to make sure that another Indian diplomat was not humiliated by the US government in future.

After an emergency meeting called last night, the government could spot the root cause of the problem – low salaries of IFS offices that disallows them the necessity of having maids.

US Dollars

Much more of these are needed to save our diplomats

“Devyani was forced to work around the US laws as she couldn’t have paid her maid as per the US laws, which calculates maid’s salary like the former CAG of India used to calculate notional losses,” Foreign Minister Salman Khurshid claimed, “Unfortunately we can’t ignore US laws like we used to ignore CAG reports, so we decided to look for solutions.”

The most obvious solution that the government could think of was increasing the salaries of the Indian diplomats and senior consulate officials, especially those posted in the USA.

“Their salaries on paper are low, just like we MPs get just a few thousand rupees per month,” Khurshid explained, “However they get nice benefits, such as luxurious houses to live in and perpetual perks to enjoy their deputation abroad.”

“Since their houses are big, and they need to travel a lot to enjoy the country of their posting, it makes it necessary that they employ maids to take care of the house and household things like children,” the Foreign Minister added, “We realized that we must increase their salaries so that they can comply with local laws and employ maids.”

Since the on-paper salary of a round-the-clock working maid comes out to be higher than on-paper salary of a round-the-clock allegedly working Indian diplomat in US, the government has decided to increase the salaries of the diplomats by at least 300%.

When this Faking News reporter asked if the other benefits too would increase in proportion with the increase in basic salary, Salman Khurshid said that the law would take its own course.

When asked if this was not a waste of Indian taxpayers’ money, the government claimed that such objections were ridiculous and stupid.

“We have taken that into account. Such insults to Indian diplomats cause huge public outrage and it results in loss of working hours of professionals and loss of well being of emotionals due to blood pressure issues. We can save these industrial and medical losses if we increase the salaries,” Kapil Sibal explained the maths behind the decision.

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