NEWSWIRE

With Goa and and now Delhi getting Chief Ministers who are IIT alumni, political parties have started looking at IITs for recruitment. IITs have also agreed to allow them for campus recruitment. Faking News sources have revealed the following schedule and eligibility criteria:

Once selected, they are expected to wear khadi kurta pajama.

Once selected, they are expected to wear khadi kurta pajama.

Day 1: AAP

Candidates will be shortlisted based on display pic of their social networking profile. Those who have AAP logo, broom, Kejriwal or anything related to AAP as their social media profile pic will be shortlisted.

Kejriwal will personally conduct interviews to gauge candidate’s honesty by asking him 18 strategically framed psychological questions & measure those answers using the “Honesty Software” (Patent Pending) developed by an internal team at AAP.

In the next round, if a candidate can successfully allege & convince that all of his classmates are dishonest/frauds & only he is honest, will be hired immediately. Candidates who are good at wire-cutting or restoring electricity and doing a self-appraisal of themselves will be given more weightage.

Day 2: INC

Candidates will be shortlisted based on their surnames & father’s bank balance (More weightage if it is a Swiss bank). First round will be conducted by Rahul’s assistants who will gauge candidate’s capability to link unrelated subjects and come up with metaphoric one liners.

Weightage will be given to those who can relate caste with physics (dalits & escape velocity), economy with philosophy (poverty & state of mind) and geography with insects (India & beehive).

Rahul Gandhi will conduct a round where he will personally check the candidate’s clothing to find out if there is politics in his shirt, pants etc and if found, he will be recruited immediately.

In the final round, Rahul will ask the student to ask him a question. When the student obliges & asks, then Rahul will put the same question back to the student and ask him how he will answer it. This process will repeat for 1 hour. Any student who manages to bear all these completely (instead of running away in between) will be finally recruited.

Day 3: BJP

Candidates will be shortlisted based on their names which must be mythological (like Shiva, Parvathi, Narendra).

In the first round, the candidates will be taken to a kitchen and asked to prepare chai, after which successful candidates will be taken to next round for gauging their knowledge on history of India conducted by Amit Shah which is called “fake interview” round, because the candidate is expected to give wrong/fake answers. For example, more points will be given if candidate says that Chandragupta was from Gupta dynasty.

The final round will be conducted by Modi himself at exactly 4 PM that day (This round is called Modi4PM round) in which he will give 2 events (1 good & 1 bad) that would have occurred in India. If the candidate can prove that that the good event was due to efforts of Sardar Patel & the bad event was due to an intentional act by Gandhi family, he will be recruited immediately.

From Day 4 onwards, the placement process will continue as usual with boring, low profile & low paying jobs like “Software Architect at Facebook”, “Data Scientist at Goldman Sachs”, “Innovation Engineer at BMW” and so on.

Report filed under:

Politics


  • Placement cell

    You should add the salary and it’s variations… it could be confidential… but AAP must let everything out in the public and also mention the job profile …
    and you will have a placement season date !

  • Athul U

    Tooo good

  • SkyWalker

    FN writers are so stupid that they still haven’t verified the false propaganda regarding Chandragupta.

    Otherwise it was good piece.

  • GUEST

    In the final round, Rahul will ask the student to ask him a question. When the student obliges & asks, then Rahul will put the same question back to the student and ask him how he will answer it—– HEHEHEHE ;) :)

  • CommonMan

    Very Hilarious article boss..

    don’t troll AAP now only.. they are way better than craps like congress and bjp…

  • Daddy

    too good. Faking news makes my day

  • kujliwal

    best part was low paying jobs like software architect at facebook and ,…

  • chaddiwala

    ye iit me suitiye kahan se aa gaye… dilli wale honge ;)

  • vijayraghav rao

    very good

  • syam

    What about communists, regional parties who wants to build third and fourth fronts.