NEWSWIRE

New Delhi. With new year resolution season on the doorstep, police department of all states have formed a special ‘Resolution Prevention Squad’ (RPS) as a measure to save people from breaking their own resolutions.

“Every year, millions and millions of resolutions die in their infancy. Many unfortunate ones don’t even see the sunshine of 1st January. So, to avoid this carnage and resolution massacre we have decided to create RPS,” said Minister of Home Affairs, Sushil Kumar Shinde, “It’s a new year gift from government to the country.”

“This will also reduce the emotional void between police and people and it will be a good start of new year for police department too,” Shinde added.

Resolutions

Now it is a written contract to which you will be legally bound

Resolution Prevention Squad will be available on emergency number – 404. If people feel like they are on verge of breaking their resolution and feeling helpless, they can call on the number provided and members of squad will be there within 30 minutes.

In case the resolution is “not to eat pizza”, RPS will be there in 25 minutes, just to make sure they reach before pizza delivery boy.

After reaching the spot, RPS members will take immediate steps to prevent person concerned from breaking his/her resolution. If it’s about avoiding alcohol or smoking, they will first remove cigarette and liquor from the vicinity.

If victim is too impatient for alcohol and is in serious condition, as first aid they will be given blizzard or Red Bull. If he/she is cigarette addict, RPS members will be showing him/her anti smoking ad which they will be carrying in their mobile phones. In worst cases, squad may take them in police custody for 24 hours.

People who pledged to go for jogging or gym on daily basis but are unable to do because of laziness, can also call on 404. Force will be available to make sure that they follow their resolution, even at gunpoint, if required.

However, Resolution Prevention Squad has issued a notice urging people to take resolutions as per their capacity. “People should avoid taking resolution under peer pressure,” said Delhi RPS chief. “Our squad is on high alert for 31st December night, as we are expecting a lot of cases.”

Reportedly, RPS will be functional till 31st January, as it takes at least a month for resolution to become a habit.

Meanwhile, a man has surrendered himself to police and requested to take him in custody for one month. “I am not sure if police will reach by time, as they are always late on crime scene. So, this a precautionary measure from my side to prevent myself from breaking my resolutions,” disclosed the man.

Report filed under:

Crime


  • http://www.omreddy.com/ Mahesh

    lol the best! awesome

  • vijayraghav rao

    to the faking news team. thank you for bringing in much needed humour and comic relief in our lives. And wish you’ll many many years of continued creativity and prosperity

  • Srinivasa S S

    There is something emotional to me in the title picture ‘PHONE MOM’..

  • Pagla

    Shouldnt it be Resolution Preservation Squad and not Resolution Prevention Squad??

  • Sam

    Happy New year to all folks….. tring tring 404 is here …. gr8!!!