Centurion. In a startling revelation that is going to send shockwaves among cricket lovers across India, a sting operation done by Faking News at Indian dressing room has come out with findings that are too shocking to believe.
After a week long operation we have found that Indian coach Duncan Fletcher doesn’t exist. In a plot that looks straight out of a Christopher Nolan film we can safely conclude that BCCI has been fooling fans and critics alike with 3D hologram of a person that doesn’t exist in reality.
There were always doubts about how a person can remain so robotic and wooden and exhibit no emotions at all whatsoever the situation (Arjun Rampal being an exception). Even Manmohan Singh utters an occasional Theek Hai now and then, but Duncan’s involvement in the game is probably the only thing world has not seen besides Raina’s Nephew and Poonam Pandey wearing clothes. That’s when we at Faking News took it upon us to see what goes on inside Duncan Fletcher’s mind.
Our reporter dressed up as Bindu Dara Singh and took help of Gurunath Meiyappan to ensure nobody objects to our presence in Indian dressing room. Once inside we tried every possible way to get a reaction out of Duncan subjecting him to various situations. We managed to get a reaction out of a corpse in nearby morgue but Duncan remained as stoic as ever. His expressions and demeanor remained as stagnant as ever. In addition to this we never saw him eating food or going to a washroom in the 7 days that we observed him. In the night or during power cut he would suddenly vanish only to appear again when the electricity was back.
Then during one night when everybody was asleep, we saw Rajiv Shukla coming in with few scientists looking Japenese who in no time created a 3D Hologram of a person known as Duncan Fletcher in cricketing circles much to our disbelief. We were totally stunned.
After realizing what has happened we got to know through our sources (as real as Raina’s nephew) that previously they had a Robotic form of Duncan Fletcher (a`la Terminator), the wiring of which used to constantly get disturbed due to frequent slaps by Bhajji. Then N Srinivasan saw Modi’s 3D speeches and got so impressed that he decided to go ahead with a 3D hologram of Duncan.
When we tried to get Rajiv Shukla’s reaction on this he jumped out of his chair and said, “ We will wait for the police report before we comment on it and take any action. What an individual does in his individual capacity is none of BCCI’s concern”. The standard response led us wondering if he too was for real or not.