NEWSWIRE

New Delhi. India’s first political satellite PolSAT-420, which will help political parties in planning and executing the 2014 general elections, was successfully launched from Indian parliament campus after a broad consensus by all major parties.

The Rs 200 crore “AmarAkbarAnthonyAmrindar”, which is the political nickname of the satellite to keep it secular and inclusive in nature, was injected into Rajiv Gandhi Transfer Orbit of 36000 km above 10 Janpath. This project is a joint effort of ISRO and political scientists.

PolSAT-420 is first of its kind on entire earth, which will help political outfits to seamlessly network and integrate their local units for an effective election campaign.

Satellite Dish Antenna

This dish antenna is receiving signals from the satellite as religiously as a karyakarta receives orders from the high command

The step heralds a significant shift in political planning and strategies. Traditionally, political parties have been using pre-poll surveys and other superficial methods, such as talking to journalists and “experts”, to sense the mood of country. Such methods usually lack scientific or intellectual finesse.

Explaining the features of satellite, ISRO chief told Faking News, “It will be very helpful in election rallies as it can provide real time demographic data like count of people belonging to different castes and religions present in the rally. Based on these data, a leader can customize his/her speech for maximum impact.”

“Another potential benefit is booth management during elections, where the same real time demographic data will help polling agents. Using satellite services they can easily track geographical location of their vote banks and take appropriate steps to take them to booths, or stop vote banks of rival parties form going to polling booth,” he added.

PolSAT-420 is also expected to lessen the dependence of political parties on Facebook and Twitter, which have been infested with political dimwits and bots of late.

“The satellite will give data like Twitter trends. With the help of its powerful transponders, it will directly absorb voice waves roaming in atmosphere and will come up with trending topics in the real world,” the ISRO chief disclosed the sensational features of the website.

PolSAT-420 will also keep a track on voice waves originating from politicians with foot in mouth disease e.g. Digvijay Singh. Satellite will alert respective party high commands in case it detects any possible outburst of insanity, so that party can take preemptive measures to prevent the ensuing damage.

According to the latest reports, PolSat-420 has started sending signals but it was sending unintelligible signals. Sources tell Faking News that parties will have to pay a bribe fee to convert those signals into intelligent and actionable data.

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  • ahannaasmi

    I believe the technical term for foot in the mouth disease is ‘dontopedalogy’ (ref. so-called “Prince” Philip of the United Kingdom).

  • Aam Admi

    Epic!

  • Divya Hussain

    lolz…… Polsat will only benefit Congress…. I am sure PolSat was launched with funds from the taxpayers and other parties that would only benefit Congress and help polarize votes from Indian Muslims towards them :P

  • NaMo

    “PolSAT-420 will also keep a track on voice waves originating from politicians with foot in mouth disease e.g. Digvijay Singh.” lolz :D

  • Prem Nath

    “Rajiv Gandhi Transfer Orbit of 36000 km”………..haa haa……good one