NEWSWIRE

New Delhi. After reports that social media is used to spread rumors that eventually cause people to kill each other, the government of India has decided to ban social media.

India would join its neighbor Pakistan in taking such a step. Pakistan had banned social media to protect religious feelings, while India will do it for much more – to protect religious people, to secure internal security, to curb hate speech, to increase productivity, and to control floods and famines.

Sibal

Kapil Sibal signaled his grand victory over internet after the announcement

“Leading journalists, eminent citizens, and other random individuals agree that social media is a nuisance to development and harmony, hence we have decided to ban social media,” Telecom Minster and one of the earliest critic of social media, Kapil Sibal said.

The announcement was expectedly met with huge outrage on social media with millions of tweets and Facebook updates published to protest against the decision, but the government is firm.

“Do whatever you want, but your Twitter, Facebook, and even Google Plus accounts will be unavailable after midnight,” Sibal explained.

Sources tell Faking News that it’s a well calculated plan by the Congress party even though it knew that the decision will be opposed by the majority of people with a broadband connection and bulging belly.

“They will keep the ban for around six months, and by then Indians will have lost all the steam and would have resigned to their fate,” an expert predicted, “After six months, Sonia Gandhi will express her unhappiness and the NAC (National Advisory Council) will draft a Right to Social Media bill.”

The expert, who didn’t want to be quoted as he could be branded a fascist and stripped of his reputation as political expert, further claimed that this was in line with the rights-based approach of the Congress party.

“First they deprive you of those rights – be it information, food, or education – for decades, and when you take that deprivation as your tryst with destiny, you are given those basic rights through legislation. Since things move faster online, decades will be just a few months,” the expert claimed.

Sources confirm that the bill will be named after Rajiv Gandhi because Rajiv Gandhi brought computers – central to social media – to India.

Report filed under:

Politics


  • Rohit

    First they deprive you of those rights – be it information, food, or
    education – for decades, and when you take that deprivation as your
    tryst with destiny, you are given those basic rights through
    legislation.”
    sheer genius of PP!

  • rutvik patak

    This is class….. totally zapped…..

  • BJP danger

    Great ! else BJP using hatred speeches will swallow entire productivity of India.RSS youths now feed on youtube , facebook lot more ..hence GDP has gone down

    • Vinay

      Don’t get too haughty, your ilk has a habit of exploding.

  • AB

    I felt it was true for sometime …. well I am still hoping the govt is not reading this and getting some ideas for the winter session!

  • PKM

    “First they deprive you of those rights – be it information, food, or education – for decades, and when you take that deprivation as your tryst with destiny, you are given those basic rights through legislation” -I think this line best describes Congress’s (Or rather, the Gandhi Family’s) policies/politics from independence till date. Congress ki Kahaani, PP Ki Zubaani. Sheer Genius, Congrats PP!