NEWSWIRE

Mumbai. Troubled by growing crime, corruption, inequality, etc. among other things like general stupidity observed among the human beings, monkeys have confirmed that they were least interested in the next stage of evolution.

“If this is evolution, we are doing just fine,” Manbandar Singh, a rhesus monkey living in Bandra told this Faking News correspondent.

“In fact, I can’t believe that these human beings were once monkeys like us, free of such vices!” the brown monkey expressed his shock and horror.

Evolution

The last three stages have scared the monkeys

When asked if they didn’t wish for stuff like iPhones, Air Conditioners, and veg burgers, Manbandar said that such luxuries were pointless if they lost their “monkeyness”.

“We are happy eating bananas and living in an animal kingdom. It’s better than eating burgers and living in a banana republic,” argued Manbandar Singh.

The monkey further claimed that incidents like rape, now very common among human beings, didn’t take place at all in their society; and this was one of the key reasons why monkeys were least interested in evolving into human beings.

“I don’t want to lose my facial hair and weight, and ultimately lose my self-respect,” a female monkey explained why she was dead against any further evolution.

Monkey sources tell Faking News that last night some of these female monkeys thrashed a couple of slightly-evolved male monkeys black and blue when they tried to indulge in some human-beings-like acts.

“Well, if the females are dead against it, there can’t be any evolution,” an evolutionary scientist (a human being) confirmed, “Families are the basic unit of civilization, and a family can’t be formed if the female being is not interested. So if the female monkeys are determined against it, there won’t be any further evolution.”

While monkeys are happy with the status-quo, they did express unhappiness over the fact that some human beings use the phrase “animal like behavior” to describe behaviors that were exclusive to human beings.

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Report filed under:

Sciences


  • Jignesh

    “Families are the basic unit of civilization, and a family can’t be formed if the female being is not interested.”
    Excellent point!

  • raghu

    manbandar singh?!?! i get it

  • kalyan

    Very well written and a superb satire.. indeed.. it’s really sad that we should be ashamed of being known as humans and be sorry for our evolution that we are seeing now.. better we were monkeys

  • sandy

    Manbandar Singh!! LOL MMS

  • Ashutosh

    I won’t be surprised if one day human beings will rape female Monkeys too.No doubt, One of the worst species nature has created

  • suraj verma

    But there are some monkey like humans such as Sachin Tendulkar

  • csch2215

    boooooring