NEWSWIRE

New Delhi. After registering a market value of 30 decibels on Independence Day trading, worth of Dr. Manmohan Singh’s voice had been falling like that of the rupee, but Prime Minister’s voice recovered strongly and closed at 66 decibels during the inter-parliamentary trading early today.

“It had reached a record low of zero decibels early this week owing to negative sentiments in the market, but it recorded a spectacular recovery today under the spectacular guidance of Sonia Gandhi ji and Rahul Gandhi ji,” Prime Minister’s Office claimed in a press release.

Market watchers too owe this spectacular rise in Prime Minister’s voice to domestic factors such as Sonia Gandhi’s voice being heard in the Parliament early this week during the Food Security Bill trading in the Parliament.

Manmohan Singh

Manmohan Singh after his historic achievement

“That was a strong signal to the market and it immediately caused traders to buy Prime Minister’s voice. Traders belonging to the BJP were busy selling their voices in Food Security Bill and Land Acquisition Bill, and they totally forgot about PM’s voice,” a trade analyst explained to Faking News.

International factors are not being ruled out as well.

“Voices in Syria could also have caused it,” Siddharth Sharma, an international trade expert claimed, “Although it remains a mystery why developments related to China or Pakistan don’t see any direct impact on Prime Minister’s voice, but Syria surely is a factor.”

While Sonia Gandhi’s intervention is being cited as the major reason behind the rise of Prime Minister’s voice, market watchers caution that the current account deficit of Dr. Singh’s voice remains high.

“Prime Minister is still getting to hear a lot more decibels than what he’s producing. That remains a worry,” an expert claimed.

Early today, when the markets opened, Prime Minister’s voice traded at 40 decibels in the Lok Sabha. It was outdone by 50 decibels of Sushma Swaraj, but she and other BJP traders walked out of the market soon after. Prime Minister’s voice was later traded in the Rajya Sabha and it ended at a record high of 66 decibels.

While Congress traders have claimed that these 66 decibels will do wonders to the growth rate of the economy, BJP traders are suspecting insider trading and manipulation of voice market.

“Why was the circuit breaker not applied?” asked BJP’s Yashwant Sinha, “And will we celebrate only the value of the voice? If that’s the criteria, Arnab Goswami is the best person to lead the country.”

Report filed under:

Business


  • Harish

    lovely!
    the way mainstream media is going gaga over MMS speech is as if that’s enough to take India out of the economic crisis

  • Chor PM

    “In which democratic country one writes satire on PMs speech which comes once in a year ??” #ChorPM

    • Aam Aadmi

      Naam badnaam karwa diya is Manmohan ne desh ka

  • Aashish

    LOL

  • sandeep chakraborty

    If Arnab laeds the country then PM will host Newshour.

  • torrentlover

    Sharad Pawar doesn’t know what went wrong with Onions!

    Defence Minister Doesn’t know what happened to submarine!

    External Affair Minister Doesn’t know what went wrong with China and Pakistan!

    Home Minister doesn’t know what went wrong with Bodhgaya and Hyderabad!

    FM doesn’t know what is wrong with Rupee!

    Coal Minister doesn’t know who robbed the files from ministry!

    Prime Minister doesn’t know what went wrong with Economy and all of above!

    Still we see full page ads in the name of some Rajiv Gandhi by all ministries using our tax money.

  • Aam Aadmi

    Please fear of God… Poor people are dieing because of congress…. Ever see a poor girl on railway station? That’s what your congress give us in 65 years… Oh God please kill them all… kill that waitress…. kill that pappu and that Chor PM….

  • Mr.Jack Su

    “In my opinion, now Obama is not my colleagues, nor is the U.S. President, but a Nobel Peace Prize winner,” Putin asked, “We have to think that in the past decade, various regions of the world have how many times of armed conflict with the United States about the? these conflicts have finally solved the problem which one? ”

    Putin blamed on Afghanistan, Iraq and other countries of armed intervention ultimately failed to calm the situation, failed to reach democracy, but there is no basic civic peace and justice. He warned: “In determining the missile attack and bombing, you must see it all, we must take into account military strike will inevitably bring about the victims, including civilians.”

    Putin also warned that a military strike, the U.S. should consider military action against Syria will once again contrary to the principles of international law, undermine international security system? “Is it really possible use of force to strengthen America’s international prestige? I do not think,” Putin urged the United States should take into consideration before making a decision, military intervention would clearly contrary to wishes of the international community and undermine international security.

  • Mr.Jack Su

    China news agency, Moscow,
    August 31 (Reporter Jia Jingfeng) – Russian President Vladimir Putin on the 31st to the outside world, said that the “Syrian government forces used chemical weapons” allegations “totally
    illogical” and
    “nonsensical”, and make
    sure this is
    some people’s provocation, urged the United States
    to the United Nations
    Security Council
    allegations presented evidence.

    Vladimir Putin in the Russian Far East, issued a statement on the situation in Syria. He said, for including chemical weapons, including weapons of mass destruction, Russia and countries in the same position, condemn and firmly oppose the use of chemical weapons, chemical weapons attack on Syria if the allegations are true, Russia will also be involved to take measures against Syria.
    “As is
    known, before the incident, the Syrian government has been found that local militants use of chemical weapons, and called on the international community to investigate, but unfortunately, the survey did not earlier, until the 21st of chemical weapons being used again, outsiders have the action, “Putin said.
    Putin
    analysts say, Syria government forces could not take advantage of the current circumstances the use of chemical weapons, giving others a handle. “Common sense tells me that the Syrian army had surrounded the opposition in some areas, in
    such favorable conditions, they actually will be the day of arrival at the United Nations Observer (use of chemical weapons) to those
    who constantly clamor for foreign military intervention in people with handle? This totally illogical, purely ‘nonsensical’.

    “I am convinced (chemical weapons attacks) is just some people’s provocation, these people want to draw more state intervention in the Syrian conflict, to key members of the international community, especially the U.S. support,” Putin said, “I convinced. ”
    Putin
    said the United
    States claimed
    that the
    Syrian army
    has used chemical weapons, claiming they have evidence, but they regard secrecy, not to any person to produce such evidence, it can not withstand scrutiny.
    Putin
    pointed out that the
    United States does
    not produce
    evidence of the international
    community and
    partners do not
    respect, if there is
    evidence, then ask them to submit to the UN Security Council. If there is no evidence as a basis, we can not use force against a sovereign country. (End)

  • banpud

    IIM Calcutta which is widely known to fake its salary figures is in a soup now. 50 unplaced students have been made to sign out of placement as they were no takers.
    These guys are now working as credit card direct sales associates at meagre salary of 2 lacs per annum.
    Beware of fraud claims of IIM Calcutta regarding placements. The unplaced students were not having required grade to be promoted to second year but somehow
    they negotiated grade increase with the Bengali professors and managed to pass. Spread this message.
    omg

  • Al

    Breaking News: Times Now has sacked Arnab Goswami coz he could not be any more angrier than our PM in Parl.