India calls him 26/11 mastermind while Pakistan calls him just another beautiful mind. Yes we are talking about none other than Hafiz Muhammad Saeed (also known as Shri Hafiz Saeed Sahib in parliamentary language).
Faking News got an opportunity to interview him; here is an excerpt from the interview:
Faking News (FN): First question, how does it feel to be Hafiz Saeed?
Hafiz Saeed (HS): It feels as if I am the Kohinoor of Pakistan. US has declared $10 million bounty on my head, only $15 million short of Osama bhai. Miles to go before I sleep.
FN: You led Eid prayers in Lahore. Are you planning to lead Pakistan on other days too?
HS: I’m already doing that. My next plan is to lead India.
FN: But India is interested in being led by someone who is for development. Your expertise appears to be in religion, ammunition, etc. and not economics.
HS: haha.. and you think the current leaders in India know economics? At least I have some expertise as you yourself accept. And my economics is strong too. Pakistan is now leading exporter of terrorism thanks to our efforts.
FN: Congratulations for that, but Indian economy is dependent on agriculture and IT services.
HS: So what? I have joined Twitter and know IT. I also know agriculture. I’ve made Pakistani land fertile for terrorism. And let me tell you, I’ve already supporters in India.
FN: Okay okay, let’s stick to your plans in Pakistan for know. What next in Pakistan?
HS: Few are in pipeline; I had sent a PowerPoint presentation to Pak army last night, waiting for them to reply. And see, I know MS Office too. I sent them a five-slide presentation on how to make Kashmir a free state.
FN: What makes you think Kashmir needs freedom?
HS: Life without an aim is meaningless. Freedom of Kashmir is a dream of all Pakistanis, I am not sure that Kashmiris have the same dream or not, but we in Pakistan want this.
FN: What are your plans once Kashmir becomes free?
HS: Then I will fight for Kargil district, and get it separated from Kashmir.
FN: But there is no such demand!
HS: How the hell you know? I am sure they will find some problem, will help them out.
FN: Who do you think is more popular in Pakistan, you or Dawood?
HS: Dawood is an immigrant but I am Pakistan’s real son of soil. He can never command the love and respect I command. Wait… don’t try to create differences between me and Dawood bhai. Typical of you Indian news guys. Now wind up this interview!
FN: Your reactions to India’s warnings after recent LoC killings?
HS: Same as you feel when you see those statutory warning about smoking when you watch a movie in a theater.