65 Indian MPs had written a letter to Obama asking him to keep denying US visa to Gujarat Chief Minister Narendra Modi. Now another set of 65 MPs, this time Russians, has written a letter to Obama. This made the US President remember the letter by Indian MPs, and he decided to respond back. Faking News has the exclusive access to the letter by Obama, reproduced below:
Members of the Parliament
Sansad Bhavan, New Delhi
Secular & Socialist Republic of India
August 8, 2013
Subject: Fwd: Re: Human rights violations in Indian State of Gujarat and the US Visa policy on Chief Minister Narendra Modi
You might be surprised why I am writing to you after so many weeks. Today I realize what great souls you guys are. I have a new found respect for you, all 65 of you.
Let me explain.
You must be knowing that I canceled my meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin to protest against Russia’s policy on Edward Snowden – that troll who keeps on claiming imaginary things – I mean Snowden, not Putin.
I thought it was pretty innocuous thing to do – to cancel a meeting. But guess what. It has upset some Russian MPs!
Last night, I received a mail signed by 65 Russian MPs, all of them political opponents of Putin back in Russia, asking me to apologize over this “insult” to their President.
I was shocked! And that’s when I went to my “Deleted items” folder and tried to retrieve your mail. But I couldn’t. I had actually marked your mails as spam. Sorry for that.
But you know that we can read everything online (Snowden is not lying but he’s exaggerating), so we hacked into the “Sent items” folders of one of you (after getting your names from news reports in Indian newspapers) and retrieved your original mail.
What a beautifully written letter you had sent! I immediately forwarded them to those ugly 65 Russian MPs. Hoping that they learn from their Indian counterparts who laud US for taking steps that are much bigger insults than just cancelling a meeting.
But they have replied with greater vengeance. One of them wrote back “заблудиться идиота”. I googled and found that it means “Get lost, idiot!”
I was depressed. And that’s why I am writing to you so that you guys can cheer me up.
Please send me another mail asking me to deny Visa to Putin. I want to teach these Russians a lesson.
I know that another letter from you guys will start another chain reaction. Last time I was spammed with letters from motley groups of Indian citizens – IT engineers, group housing society members, bored housewives, college students, etc. – all asking me to cancel US Visa of someone they didn’t like and envy. But I can deal with it.
I also want to apologize for deleting and marking your earlier mails as spam. They were useful. I had a good laugh. Even John Kerry, our Secretary of State, who has a long face, was rounded with laughter.
And it again brought smiles to our face when these Russians tried to spoil our party.
As far as that guy Narendra Modi is concerned, he has not applied for US Visa for many years now, so we can’t reject anything. In fact, Kerry informs me that visa applications of many of you 65 guys are pending. I will try to get them approved so that you can come here and get pictures clicked with me.
By the way, why don’t you get Snowden to that Indian state of Gujarat? Let him live in Ahmedabad and then we will officially ban Narendra Modi from entering USA. We can’t keep on denying him visa based on human rights issues, because, you know… Leave it.
Anyway, John and I are eagerly waiting for another letter from you. This time we will read it.
President of the United States