NEWSWIRE

New Delhi. The government on Saturday decided to issue an ordinance to give 65 % of Indian population the right to anger management classes.

Government took this decision after Congress Vice-President, Rahul Gandhi pointed out that there was a “lot of anger” in India which should be brought down.

Government swung into action immediately after this remark by Mr. Gandhi and prepared this plan within a day to reduce anger in the country. This comes close on heels of Planning Commission having reduced poverty.

Angry Rahul Gandhi

An angry Rahul Gandhi had torn away Samajwadi Party’s manifesto earlier, but it didn’t help Congress win the elections, and Rahul realized that getting angry was of no use.

The anger management program, when implemented, will be the biggest in the world with the government spending estimated at Rs 100,000 crores per year, mostly on hiring trained anger management professionals and setting up centers in every community.

Every Indian below the age of 35 will be covered under this bill as they are the ones most angry in the country. Age criteria will be relaxed for those who are regular on Twitter, drive in NCR, or watch prime time news debates without fail i.e. people at perpetual risk of getting angry.

Making this announcement, senior Congress leader Ajay Maken said, “We always why our economy didn’t grow as expected. Thanks to Shri Rahul Gandhi ji, we know that we are wasting energy getting angry. And thanks to our leading policy makers, we have a solution – Right to Anger Management.”

“We will roll out this program on 20th August to commemorate Shri Rajiv Gandhi’s birthday and by March 2014, these anger management classes will be running in the entire country. This program is being implemented at a rapid pace as we need to ensure that people don’t vote in anger during the next Lok Sabha elections,” Mr. Maken added.

When this Faking News reporter pointed it out to Mr. Maken that most Indians were angry with the government and better governance may reduce public anger, Mr. Maken retorted, “Oh come on, you think only government is responsible for rising public anger? Some people are angry because they can’t get visa to USA, some are angry because Sajid Khan is still making films, some are angry that Rohit Sharma is still playing international cricket, and some are angry because they were born in Gujarat. We have statistics to support these findings. Don’t just put the blame on the government.”

When asked why they don’t debate it in the parliament first, Mr. Maken replied, “Have you ever seen the parliament proceedings? Everyone loves to stay angry there, don’t think they will allow such a bill to pass through. We had to do it via ordinance. Now we will submit it to the President for his approval.”

As per sources, President Pranab Mukherjee is expected to sign this ordinance.

“In fact, Pranab Da wanted such a bill to come into effect for at least two years, first when he had to deal with Mamata Di, and later when an angry Arnab Goswami blasted his son for dented-painted comment,” a source revealed why the President could quickly approve the ordinance.

Report filed under:

Politics


  • Anirban Banerjee

    Rajiv Gandhi Krodh Nivaaran Yojana.

  • Anurag

    RAM – (Right to Anger Management) – Since there is RAM in it, Congress will call it communal, how can they do this? May be to appease Hindu Voters.

    • Navin Kumar

      Nice one

  • tp

    35? I hear raging and seething 70 year olds all around me. Forget Congress, even BJP may be underestimating how much anger is going around. Congress has always operated on the strategy of “make angry people beneficiaries of the loot” but that is drawing to a close — a mere 3 percent of taxpaying Indians can no longer support the orgy. Civil war is around the corner.