New Delhi. Latest reports coming from various cantonments suggest that the soldiers in Indian Army have been asked to study textbooks on economics, finance, markets, etc. because they could soon be called in to take control of the Indian economy.
“The immediate task could be to rescue the falling rupee, though we are yet to be officially communicated,” an army spokesperson told Faking News.
Army is usually called in when civilian efforts fail or a natural disaster strikes. The government is sure that the current economic crisis falls in one of these categories, but not sure which one.
However, sources in the government confirm that the government is sure that it would need army’s help in getting the economy back on track as most of its other attempts appear to be bearing no fruit.
“The phrase ‘Army called in’ appears to enthuse more confidence in people than phrases like ‘Government assures’, ‘RBI announces’, ‘Don’t buy Gold’ etc. so we thought we could try this trick as well,” a source in the Finance Ministry explained.
“No, no, we are not imposing army rule over the nation by calling the army to help us with economics. We’d continue to be a democratic country and lathicharge those protesting this move,” a government source clarified.
Experts too believe that such a step could prove to be more effective than other steps taken by the government.
“To be fair, the government did try to think out of box. The Finance Minister tried to change the behavior of people (by asking them not to buy gold) to impact the market conditions instead taking the usual approach of changing the market conditions to impact the behavior of people,” an expert pointed out.
“Even the upgrade by Fitch last week didn’t seem to have helped the sentiments, so maybe ‘Army called in’ could help,” the experts added.
Back in the cantonments, army men are trying their best.
“It’s all very confusing, now I know why our Prime Minister appears so lost and spaced out,” Lance Naik Ram Bahadur Singh said after his fifth Economics class in the last two days.