New Delhi. Following the injury sustained on the campaign trail by the popular Pakistani celebrity-politician, Imran Khan, an investigation by Faking News can reveal that Congress is considering staging a similar accident in an attempt at making party Vice President Rahul Gandhi appear charismatic.
“A Bollywood stunt man is training him,” Ashok, 47, told Faking News at his tea stall.
However, Mohan, 35, disagrees: “No. They need the best. They’re bringing in Italian footballers to tutor him. They’ll show him how to trip himself up on the podium, scream in agony, it’ll look like he’s broken his leg, but he’ll be perfectly fine five minutes later.”
Both men are close to the Congress VP, having shaken hands with him at a rally in 2006. Ashok swears Rahul remembers him.
Injury may be a shrewd political move, according to Prof. Gagan Sachdeva. But Congress must be careful as Imran Khan has two children whilst Rahul Gandhi still childless.
“I would advise against anything below the waist,” he said, adding, “Congress must also bear in mind that the politician is a delicate creature that can be damaged by something as inconsequential as a single pretzel.”
He also cautioned against “going too far”, despite the dazzling posthumous political success of figures like Kim Il Sung.
A public poll by Faking News found that a “moderate to firm blow to the Rahul Gandhi’s head” would be very popular amongst voters.
Congress officials deny the rumors, but told Faking News they believe Narendra Modi’s toothache is suspicious and that the above poll was hacked by Modi’s supporters.