NEWSWIRE

Gandhinagar. Following the monumental achievements on development in almost every field in Gujarat, including mobilization of Rs 1 lakh crore during Vibrant Gujarat summit, CM Narendra Modi today pleasantly shocked the nation with the revelation that Gujaratis’ life expectancy has improved to above 128 years over the last 8 years of his rule.

He said in a recent meeting that this is another achievement he will dedicate to the 6 crore Gujaratis.

When challenged that the government records don’t reflect this, Modi blamed fashion conscious girls for this skewed data. He claimed that the girls, fearing that they will become old, drop the first digit of their age till almost they become, well, very old.

So a girl, when she becomes 16, she registers herself as 6. When their mothers advise them against it, they say “Maama, main buddhi ho jaayegi”. Hence, he said, the data shows the average age less than real.

NaMo

Narendra Modi declaring Gujarat number One

Modi further claimed that there was a conspiracy by Congress led central government that too caused the life expectancy figure to remain below 100.

“When I was filling up my application for the CM’s job, I discovered a great conspiracy,” he said, “There were only 2 spaces against the ‘Age’ column. So it became clear that the central government did not want any Gujarati to live for more than 99 years!”

“This shows the genocidal attitude of the Congress led UPA government,” he added.

In a related development, Mr. Subramanian Swamy quipped that while the average life expectancy of Indians have been static, that of the Italians have gone up by 8 years. According to him, this happened especially after one Mrs. Antonio Maino a.k.a Sonia Gandhi moved to India.

“I see a great Italian conspiracy to usurp all the Indians’ wealth after they die earlier than Italians. I have strong evidences for this and will present at an appropriate time,” he added.

Following the declarations by Narendra Modi, a panic meeting was convened in the Congress head-quarters today.

Digvijay Singh proposed a campaign against Modi titled “Jhooth Ka Saudagar”. He said that Modi has been cheating the country with false stories that the Gujaratis live longer only after Modi came to power.

“Modi himself is as senile as a 180 year old, so he can’t claim the credit for Gujaratis living well over 100,” Digvijay Singh came up with the logic.

Meanwhile Justice Katju too has said that Modi’s claims were baseless.

He said, “Real increase in expectancy can be claimed only when every sperm in every man’s body lives for many years. I understand that millions of sperms die within 24 hours and that’s grave injustice to the unborn. We can’t accept Modi’s claims when such things keep happening in Gujarat.”

A great debate was happening in the online world after this report was published, with both pro and anti Modi commentators citing various data and incidents to debate Gujaratis’ life-expectancy, but no one bothered to talk to any person above 100 years living in Gujarat.

Report filed under:

Politics


  • li

    may become true with new age of cryopreservation
    - check out for real world animals that freeze and thaw to come back alive –
    google – 5 animals (and 1 superbug) that can freeze, thaw & live – See more
    at:
    kind of antifreeze mechanisms when discovered and mastered and tamed –
    can be used to freeze humans and thaw them back when ever necessary

  • mohd_gandu

    boss, this is stupid, dont start congi BJP equal equal movement and force upon us pathetic attempts at humor by tarnishing NaMo’s name, all in the name of being balanced and reporting both sides…

  • Ghandhi

    bhosadike you are actually a Gandu or those paid chutiya eNREGA jhantus who comment like BJP supporters to tarnish BJP’s image.. everyone is saying they are NaMo fan and they liked the article, but tere gand me aag lagi hai.. chutiya saala Rahul Gandhi ka dalla

  • Jai Gujarat

    Modi is God. dont dare to say anything against him